When life resumes,
the world will be so loud.
The traffic will growl and the airplanes will roar.
The rooms will be full and lively again.
There will be silverware crashing and playgrounds clamoring
And anyone closer than six feet will be HD and surround-sound.
Hugs will be invigorating.
In-person meetings will be dizzying.
I can only imagine the terror of a date. Or a music festival.
We’ll soon forget how we ever
Rode bicycles down the yellow lines during rush hour
Cooked so much and dreamt so vividly
How we observed the hours within minutes
and ate sandwiches on the porch
searching the sidewalk for signs of life.
Discovering the multitudes within us instead.
When life resumes
the world will be so quiet
of detail and introspection
of intentional relationships
established on substantive conversations
When life resumes
In many ways
Life will stop.
The only 2 times I feel bad in my life:
1. When I don’t get what I want.
2. When I’d rather be somewhere else or doing something other than what I’m doing at that moment.
The first is addressed rather easily. Grow up. You’re not a toddler. Life doesn’t always work in your favor.
The second is a little more complicated because it comes down to state of mind. Our high-paced culture is constantly in pursuit of a goal, a deadline, a future. We are dreamers and visionaries. We are also sentimental creatures, stuck in the past, tied to memories and traditions.
In that sense, it makes sense why it’s so difficult for us to focus on the present. I think we’ve trained ourselves to believe that if we are mindful of the now, that we stay stagnant. Or that we’re neglecting something important that came before. Or that we’re not going to be adequately prepared for what’s to come.
Like many deep-rooted issues that are being dug up and magnified in this pandemic, we are all now plagued with this nightmare of being stuck somewhere we don’t wanna be, doing something we don’t wanna do. It’s not just frustrating. It can be saddening and hopeless. It can be maddening. It often makes me angry.
But when I convince myself (and yeah, this often takes some heavy work) to appreciate what I have in front of me and take advantage of that window of time, life seems a lot lighter. It just makes more sense. If I can turn off my phone (the digital escape is a perfect illustration of us trying to be somewhere besides here), turn off the anxiety faucet, and stop living in the past… there’s an abundant reality sitting right in front of me*
*This is perhaps hardest for us daydreamers – we often use our imagination as a tool to teleport to another existence (raise your hand if you come from trauma), and I get that too.
So, while we’re stuck inside, separated from the people we love most, let’s consider what we have to explore: the feeling of pen on paper, the smell of an old book, a new way to scramble eggs. If you are living with other people, he or she is a dense forest for you to adventure through. Learn about yourself. You never give yourself the attention you deserve, and I’m sure you have plenty to say.
You can even start a journal and write down what you hear. Just like I’m doing now.
[Image: It’s my friend Britni’s birthday. She watercolored these mushrooms by the fireplace this morning.]
It’s OG Merf’s (center) birthday today.
This is an early spread in a Japanese street magazine of Ben and I with Merf, Gator, and Dom at the original Brooklyn Projects on Melrose. BP was our clubhouse and flagship in The Hundreds’ early days.
This T-shirt collection has got to be circa 2005?
Anyway, we miss you Merf. Hope you’re putting everyone in a headlock up there.
My favorite movies.
There are some obvious picks, considering The Hundreds has collaborated with them: Back to the Future, The Karate Kid, Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and Rocky.
Then there are the not-so-obvious ones, like Arrival, Memories of Murder, and Toy Story 4.
A consistent Top 5 choice is Sofia Coppola’s Lost in Translation, starring Bill Murray and Scarlett Johansson.
There are many reasons why I hold this film near. It premiered after I had spent some time living in Japan and it captured the feelings of alienation and homesickness that bedeviled me. There are some cool streetwear nods like rainbow Nikes and a Hiroshi cameo. I also appreciate that as I get older and find myself more in Bill Murray’s HTM Wovens (vs. the eager and inspired Giovanni Ribisi photographer character), my relationship with it changes and deepens.
Lost in Translation is a love story, but not in the traditional presentation of Love with its syrupy romance and sex scenes and wedding bells. My friend Patrick used to have a blog called Love like Lightning, and that’s kind of how I see it depicted here. Love strikes unexpectedly, it’s glorious and awesome in its force, and it is gone. But, that’s not to say it wasn’t there. In that moment, it’s forever changed the earth and sky around it.
Most love stories actually end where the real work begins, so really what we witness is the promise of Love. In Lost in Translation, it feels like the promise IS the Love.
One of the most pontificated pieces of the movie is the final scene where the characters say goodbye and are separated. They reunite for a final embrace and Bill Murray’s character whispers something inaudible. 15 years later, when Coppola was asked what was said, her answer was sublime.
“It was between them. Just acknowledging that week meant something to both of them and it affects them going back to their lives,” she continued. “I always like Bill’s answer: that it’s between lovers—so I’ll leave it at that.”
We are enduring an onslaught of fear, stress, and sadness as this pandemic sinks its teeth deeper into our daily lives. Never before have we encountered such a threat to our peace and health. It’s entirely understandable if you are feeling overwhelmed, if not flattened, by the enormity of this thing.
Here are some things I’ve been doing to help me cope with the anxiety and disorder. (I’d like to disclaim that I’m not trying to downplay the horrors of the Coronavirus. There seems to be a growing sentiment that emphasizing progress and remaining positive in the face of a terrible disease are sins. I disagree.)
1. Relinquish control. Then, reframe chaos as a breeding grounds for creativity.
The world was never in control, and it certainly wasn’t under yours. There were routines and systems in place to help establish consistency and predictability in your life. But those were illusions. At any point, you were at risk of a sudden detour: getting hit by a car, falling in love, losing a job… The unsettling thing about the Coronavirus is we are all being up-ended at once, regardless of race, status, or location. It’s one thing to accept that an unexpected thing happens to those people over there (helps us to justify why it won’t happen to us), but when a vicious illness strikes bodies indiscriminately, we are confronted with how random the universe is. And the preciousness of our existence.
Structure and regularity are human needs, because they take the air out of fear. Before the Coronavirus, we were comfortable in our daily grooves. Now, we are being forced to look at our customs differently, and that requires some faith. It’s uncomfortable, it’s daunting, and it takes bravery to re-orient our realities. If that pushes us to think harder and be creative, maybe we’ll see advancement we never imagined possible.
As any creator knows, repetition is the death of ingenuity. It’s boring and we get soft. Fortunately, we’re blessed with problem-solving brains. We are most innovative in the absence of rules and expectations. Every morning now, we awaken to a bright white blank canvas. Consider this time of mayhem as an opportunity to experiment, improvise, and offer new solutions. We need them more than ever.
2. Chill out on the news. Wash your hands. Stay away from people. That’s it.
Chances are that you’re not a top expert in the medical, science, and economic fields. Everyone is getting the information at the same time, so let’s let our leaders – those on the frontlines – dissect and debate the facts. Our layman’s conjecture only spins anxiety and leads us into darker tunnels. We are not equipped to handle the weight of these numbers.
Since the beginning, the advice has been the same. Wash those hands. Keep your distance. And ask your community to do the same. That’s about all the average person can do to fight the Coronavirus. You do not get extra points for knowing bar graphs and what inane thing Trump said and which celebrity has tested positive but is asymptomatic. Usually, I’m all for staying informed. But this time, I just don’t see how all this extra noise contributes to a stronger immune system. Protect that spirit of yours. Check the news headlines once or twice a day to catch major developments, but otherwise, stay out of it. Even if that means unfollowing media accounts and friends who seem to thrive off the fear and speculation.
3. Smile. It’s okay to be happy.
If there are two philosophies on the matter – 1) that we need to stay grim and somber and do whatever it takes to frighten people into behaving appropriately. 2) Let’s uplift each other and focus on the bright side when we can. Then, I’m number two. All the way.
I’ve been shamed for admitting I’m in a good mood amidst a global pandemic. I’ve been asked how I can laugh when people are dying and losing their jobs. Look, I’m depressed and anxious also, but I hold fast to those rays of light throughout the day. You should too. Even though the media doesn’t get as much play out of happy stories, I believe it’s not just emotionally, but physically beneficial to emphasize the good news that is coming out of this: the advances in treatments, the revised timeline estimates, the 100,000 recoveries, and our ability to develop immunity to this virus.
(Here’s a cool Instagram that is doing its part to balance out all the alarming news that you’re being inundated with)
Take a walk, if you can keep your distance. Savor the moments of sweet life where you have it. Be thankful that the smartest people in the world are chipping away at this thing. And that every day that passes is not only a privilege, but one day closer to this nightmare ending.
4. Since you’re not reading the news, read other stuff.
We all need an escape right now. If Netflix’s Tiger King wasn’t enough, try reading a book.
Poetry’s not for everyone, but if you wanna give it a whirl. I’m currently reading David Whyte: Essentials.
Otherwise, I pick a different book to read together every month for my book club, Death Sentences.
And buy your books from independent booksellers in your neighborhood. Call or check in with them to see if they’re doing deliveries. If you can, please support my favorite bookstore in the world, Powell’s.
5. Listen to good music.
No surprise here. An evergreen antidote for any downturn. What are you listening to?
– My friend Justin (Free J Boosie Trio) has a weekly jazz playlist that is just looping away over here.
– I’ve never heard a Weeknd song I didn’t like. Abel’s new album, After Hours, on repeat.
– You know what, I’m gonna compile a Spotify playlist for you. That’ll be my next update.
Nothing like the friends who come forward on a milestone birthday to remind you where love and loyalty exist. Their roots grow deeper still.
Leaving the weeds and dust in the past life. May the wind take them far, far away.
“How will you feel if you wake up one day and you’re forty and you’re dying of cancer? Will you be able to say you lived your life doing what you were meant to do?” – Abe
I was 23 years old. The attorney I was interning for, Abe, was in his 40s and he would succumb to his cancer later that year. But in that moment, he challenged me to chase my passions. For the first time, someone gave me permission to live a thorough and fulfilled life.
I try to remember who I was at 23. I was frustrated. I knew I was meant for a creative career path, I just didn’t know how to get there. I had all these dreams and goals. I wanted to be a world-renowned artist like Barry McGee or Futura 2000. I wanted to be heard. I felt invisible in my country, in my school, and home. I wanted to grab the universe by the face and say, “Look at me! I have something you need!”
That fire burned deep inside. So, we built this locomotive – The Hundreds – and shoveled that coal deep into its belly. This train, it took us to faraway places and we got to see the world. We picked up so many people along the way and shared the journey with new friends.
I don’t know what would’ve become of me if I never met Abe and stayed being a lawyer. Perhaps I would’ve been able to quell that fire. Or maybe it would’ve manifested into charismatic advocacy. I like to think that I would’ve started a clothing brand at some point anyway. Perhaps I would’ve still written a book. What I’ve recently realized, however, is that Abe wasn’t telling me to pursue my destiny as a streetwear designer. When he said to do what I was “meant to do,” he wasn’t specifying a job title. In fact, if you remember, I wanted to be a renowned gallery artist and I never became one.
What Abe was talking about was acknowledging my curiosities and desires: the fire. I’d spent my life running from it and being bewildered by it. He was hoping I’d recognize those flames and harness them instead. Otherwise, this thing would consume me instead of setting the world ablaze.
Whatever that fire is in your life – whether it’s work or personal – I urge you to stoke it and tend to it. There is a lush existence awaiting, and it’s meant for only you.
This morning, I woke up and I turned 40. And I can answer your question with confidence, Abe.
photo by Ja Tecson
You can’t solve a problem you aren’t willing to accept.
My childhood friend Alan Yang has been working on this project for years (Alan was one of the people kind enough to read my book and add his blurb to the cover). I loosely knew about the film’s premise, but I was not prepared for the execution. Maybe it’s the circumstances, but I’m moved by the trailer alone. I can’t wait for its Netflix release on April 10.
I haven’t had a day like this in years, if ever.
I rested my fingers on the keyboard. I clicked around on my mouse. I waited for something to come. Something to make me feel alive.
I drove to my office. I turned around and drove home. The world’s longest U-turn.
I sat on the porch. I watched neighbors walk by, as if they had somewhere to go. Everyone gives the nod. “It’s nice to see you, but please stay over there. By the way, are we gonna die?” It’s universal.
I watched the clouds. Behind them, a very blue backdrop. I thought, “Up there, everything is still the same.” The sky seemed more distant than ever.
I noticed e-mails drip down like a leaky faucet, but I did nothing about them. They are slower and more intentional these days – the emails. I don’t particularly miss when they were hyper and obnoxious. Perhaps there will be a day when I clamp the water shut.
I returned texts and DMs to feel something – a connection. I have wonderful friends. They are so smart and funny. I tell myself how lucky I am to have their ears and hearts. God, I miss hugs and wine-drunk dinners and noise. Although I get tired when I go out, I even miss that.
I’m never tired anymore. Correction: I’m exhausted, but I’m alert. Everything is moving in slow motion. I feel every inch of my day, I’m sensitive to every movement. The days are moving faster now, but soon there will be no more days. Just one long, looping thread, like a mobius strip. The sun sets and rises like a yo-yo. I’ve been saying that life feels like a rollercoaster lately, but it’s more like a yo-yo. Up and down, but stuck in the same place. At least a rollercoaster goes somewhere.
It’s 6:57pm and I’ve done nothing today.
I’ve trained myself to think that every day is precious and it’d be a waste to be unproductive. What a shame. So many dead people would love to have just one day back. And I spent it learning about the nuances of a virus like I’m a fucking scientist. No, I design T-shirts. And I didn’t even do that today.
I’m boiling spaghetti now. I think I have a gluten allergy, so it’s gluten-free pasta. It tastes disgusting, but for 12 minutes, I get to eat this trash and fool myself into believing that I’m a normal person without a stupid stomach thing. I’m just like you – I can eat a loaf of bread and run a mile. I am a god.
I am waiting for something to happen.
But, maybe there is just nothing for me today. I’ll try again tomorrow.
It’s funny. We started in 2003, just Ben and I. Me, at my desk, blogging and designing T-shirts every day. If you told me 17 years later, we’d be in the same position (I’m blogging again here, working on T-shirts to keep myself busy, and our entire staff is now remote-working), I’d have body-slammed myself.
But, it’s kinda sweet.
I just designed a new T-shirt, inspired by my least favorite friend surprising me unannounced throughout the day: ANXIETY. This is a parody of a parody (High Anxiety, the film), by the master of parodies himself, Mel Brooks.
Watch my Instagram Highlight on the process behind the design.
You can now buy the shirt HERE.
– Social media hinges off of algorithms. Algorithms prioritize dramatic content because it evokes emotional impulse. Therefore, the bulk of what you see in your feeds is the most visceral, sensational, and jarring information. That also applies to the news. You only get the black and white hues now, very few shades of grey.
– We know too much. Let me rephrase that. We’ve been given too much knowledge at once, with little guidance on context and usage. The Internet disassembled power structures and broke down walls guarding information, which is a great thing. But, we are now arming ourselves with weapons we aren’t prepared to use. We’re self-taught experts on medicine and science, overnight masters of sociology and politics. It’s a lot to take on, wrap our heads around, let alone master. Yet, we’re wielding this information around like a flamethrower. Like handing a kid an AK-47 and telling him there’s a war outside.
– Humans are no match for the weight of the Internet. We are designed for personal interactions and organic cultural builds. The Internet not only expedites phenomena, it lassoes everyone together and swings them like a wrecking ball. When we make decisions, we move as an urgent, hasty mass: trends, social policy, shaming declarations… When we fail, there aren’t a few close members in the community to chastise us. Now, we have thousands – if not millions – collectively sitting on us at once. There is little allowance – or time – allotted for free, independent thought in this exercise. The staggering anxiety and ensuing mental health breakdowns are unsurprising.
– You will be affected by a world at the mercy of social media extremes, but you don’t have to participate in its reckless violence.
1) Read headlines as the most severe versions of themselves. Digest a range of opinions on the subject matter before you formulate your own conclusion. Once you reach the ending, break it down and start over again.
2) Although, sometimes, you gotta let the experts handle it. It’s their practice and art. It’s also their worry and stress to carry, not your burden to bear. Equipping yourself with superfluous knowledge doesn’t mean you’re any safer or more in control. In fact, it’s the opposite.
3) Be mindful that social media truncates thoughts into binary expressions. Like there are only two buckets. Remember that humans are complicated, vast, and beautiful. We each hold a spectrum of beliefs and opinions, constantly in flux. We are oceans and canyons and can’t be summarized in a tweet.
This is how to do the Internet.
On December 31, 1995, I was 15 years old. One of my favorite Sunday strips, Bill Watterson’s Calvin & Hobbes was ending at a time I needed it most. I saved this full-color edition paper in my drawer, a memento of my childhood naivete.
Watterson himself has continued to be a heroic figure to me. He stayed true to his art and upheld his integrity. He resisted licensing, merchandising, and commercially selling-out. And, he went out on top, on his own terms.
It’s funny to think back on my two favorite comics growing up – this one and Garfield. Both are centered around a boy/man and his imaginary/imaginative cartoon sidekick. Years later, I’d have the same relationship with Adam Bomb.
I bring this comic up today because of its outlook on the future.
When we wake up from this dread, the world will be a fresh slate. As terrified as I am some days, this is also the most inspired I’ve felt in years. With regimes toppling, paradigms shifting, and our perspectives adjusting to what’s most important, who will take the torch and run? I’m excited for new leadership and innovation. Every industry is confronted with unforeseen problems. Who will be the first to create solutions?
We are all being sent back to the starting line. We’re implementing new rules and systems. You have as good of a shot as anyone else now. Let’s explore.
In the beginning, there was Blog.
I mean, we had chatrooms and Tripod sites in the ’90s, but at the turn of the millennium, Blogger/Blogspot launched and turned the Internet from a library to a stage. We went from looking at the web as an information resource to a platform where we could express ourselves and be heard.
It was ripe timing for me. I was an attention-starved middle child, harboring han as a racial minority. I had so much to say. And so, I published my first blog circa 2000, writing essays about social issues, my fascination with international clothing brands like Evisu and A Bathing Ape, and showing off my art, photography, and sneaker collection. I used to say it was like printing punk ‘zines, but now that I think about it, it was more like how it felt to be a college radio DJ. At my alma mater, UCSD, I had a midnight program where I played only obscure hardcore, indie, and emo music through the campus station. I’d get a few requests a night from a handful of loyal listeners and that was enough. Playing the pop hits for the college mainstream audience was unappealing. I preferred to speak specifically. Kinda like how I’m not good at small, generalized talk in social gatherings. I’d rather move to the corner of the room and deep-dive into meaningful conversations. I’m happy with an audience of one.
When Ben and I started The Hundreds a few years later, the blog was critical. You have to remember, we weren’t trying to start a clothing company. In 2003, we called it a “lifestyle project.” The entire brand was about reflecting our interests, experiences, and opinions. It was less about T-shirts and more about relating as humans. We wouldn’t have had the capital to operate a media channel back then. The only options were television, radio, newspapers and magazines. Even a photocopied ‘zine was costly and limited in reach. The Blog landed in our laps.
For the greater part of a decade, my blog broadcasted the social backbone of this “project.” Our followers loved watching us grow an independent clothing label from scratch. For a generation of entrepreneurs (and those after), we were peers, mentors, and guiding lights. Then, the blog just exploded. We’ll never know if it was causative or correlative, but a series of cultural events in the streetwear scene turned all eyes on me (well, not me personally, but my documentation of this movement). Not only was I there to capture this newest streetwear wave, I was also reporting from the frontlines of Fairfax Ave. in Los Angeles. Supreme LA attracted the Odd Future kids, who hung out in front of Diamond and skated on our street (Rosewood). By the early 2010s, despite a recession, business was booming.
The blog, however, wasn’t. I knew we were in trouble when Twitter broke in the late 2000s. My secret weapon wasn’t so special anymore. Blogging was democratized for all, plus it was easier and faster. “Microblogging” they called it. At least I still had my photography. Then, Instagram entered the room and nailed the coffin shut for the web logging generation.
The technology wasn’t the only thing that had changed. Streetwear changed. The underground still cared about renegade artists, but the mainstream labels spoke to a more surface-level customer. This consumer was largely uninterested in the history and storylines of the logos they adopted. Instead, they championed image, price tags and clout. So if anyone was still checking streetwear websites by then, they were bookmarking hype news sites to stay updated on releases.
Perhaps the most profound contributor to the deceleration of my blog was me. I turned 30 in 2010 and was spending less time on the street and more time in the office. I got married, had children, and was busy being a boss of a growing company. At one point, Ben and I were managing 100 people in our office alone, not to mention staff at our four shops. My role changed and my community required different things of me. And so that first iteration of my blog closed silently.
Of course, The Hundreds’ blog itself never ceased. It’s still being updated throughout the week with interviews, think-pieces, and lists. We just opened it up to new editors and authors who have kept the blood moving through The Hundreds’ veins. The intent has always remained the same – to tell you the stories behind some of our favorite brands, artists, and personalities. Everything we make has a reason and purpose and the blog is a venue for us to talk about them.
So, when people who grew up with my blog tell me “Bring it back!,” I tell them it’s impossible. I can’t bring back an uncharted Fairfax. I can’t make “streetwear” a secret word again. I can’t go back to being a kid on the corner with a camera, with nothing to do but chop stories and discover raw talent. No, that blog is done and gone forever. And, to be honest, I like it that way. There was a time and place for the streetwear blog and it got us – and me – to where we are now. I’m grateful for that.
But, this blog. This blog is something brand new and different and very much needed.
This blog is me at 40. At the start of a global pandemic. In a time where our lives and work are being reduced to rubble. I started off this year in a very bad place and just when I asked, “Can it get any worse?” I got slam-dunked. Many of you know the feeling. If you weren’t there already, you’re here with me now! It’s lonely and scary and ….strange.
This blog feels un-strange to me. The world is out of control, but this blog is under mine. I am going to use this microphone as a bridge. It’s just me and you, like it’s 2 in the morning and I’m playing you a new band I love. I don’t know what I’m going to post here. Probably not a lot of streetwear stuff, sorry. More like loose thoughts, snippets of art that mean something to me, and messages of hope. All in the spirit of connection. We must stay connected, it’s the only thing I know that neutralizes the loneliness and scariness and strangeness.
When I used to blog, because we didn’t have analytics or scorekeeping, I had no idea if anyone was on the other side. I just wrote into the ether, hoping my ideas would land somewhere. And you caught them.
Now, it’s the reverse. I know you’re out there. But, this time, I want you to know that I’m here too.
Let’s take this day by day, together.