In honor of this fine holiday on 4/20, Todd rounds up 6 Netflix films that were basically made for stoners.
Every year 4/20 rolls around and it’s the same, tired routine. For some reason, today is the hardest day to actually find weed, someone always reminds you it’s Hitler’s birthday, everyone pretends the Jim Morrison on their shirt wasn’t a loser, and the same guy who claims his favorite movie is Enter the Void is pestering you for a movie marathon. Of course, Figurative Friend X is going to insist on watching Pineapple Express or one of the thousands of Cheech and Chong movies. But you’ve seen those and, even though you lie to yourself and your friends, they just aren’t funny anymore. Why not break the habit? Try something new. Instead of a stoner movie marathon, try out a marathon of movies made for stoners. Also, say that sentence 5 times fast. But there is a massive difference between stoner flicks and flicks to watched stoned, don’t be fooled. But you’re probably already too stoned to think of a movie. Or anything. That’s why I’m here. Finding the perfect movie for a stoner isn’t easy, it’s a delicate art - you need that first act to move fast, a second act lull to smoke through, and either an extremely simple plot or wildly complicated one. Either work. So without further ramblings, here are the ultimate movies to watch when you’re stoned. But let’s be clear, all movies in general are made for stoners.
Oh, one more thing - because I’m a goddamn gentleman, all of these movies are available on Netflix in case I inspire any desire.
Team America: World Police – (2004)
The whole thing uses puppets. There, do you honestly need more than that? The creators of South Park got together and made a movie about a small team of secret agent-types that continuously cause more damage than they prevent. But here’s why it’s the ultimate movie to watch stoned: they play the whole thing straight. We’re talking full on action set pieces, drama, romance, blood, drugs, uncomfortably graphic sex - just casually with puppets. Fucking strings and all. And since it’s Matt Stone and Trey Parker, you know you’re going to get the most hilarious, custom soundtrack you’ve ever heard. As well as top-notch voice acting that’ll make you crack up at every delivery. Freedom isn’t free - no, there’s a hefty fucking fee.
Mr. Nobody – (2009)
Every once in a while, the world is treated to another “what the fuck was that” movie. And 9 times out of 10, it’ll star Jared Leto. Mr. Nobody is that movie, just look at the paradoxical title. You know that shit’s deep. Besides Jared Leto’s hair, this one’s about a wrinkled version of Mr. Leto reflecting on his life and what could’ve been. The film actually plays out a few difference scenarios of how his life could’ve turned out according to different decisions, which then escalates into some crazy, existential space time continuum stuff. Every good stoner knows that “space time continuum” is a low key call for smokers. It means you’re going to get some pretty all-white rooms with lens flares, at least 3 minutes of a whispering voice over silent reality-shattering space concepts, some confusing Interstellar emotions, perfectly symmetrical shots, an inordinate amount of slow motion, and a lot of “whoa” moments. But most importantly, you get a story that starts out confusing, becomes gradually more coherent, but then immediately becomes confusing again. Because that is the key to any trippy time film.
Ichi the Killer – (2001)
Let’s just be honest, when we’re talking about good stoner movies, we’re just talking about the weirdest ones we can find. And no list would be complete without some strange foreign film. Behold, Ichi the Killer. Director Takashi Miike (who’s Quentin Tarantino’s hero) has made about 8 or 9 million movies - the majority of which are known for being unbearably gory. Ichi the Killer is based on a comic book - or manga - or whatever the fuck it’s called. But here’s why it’s the ultimate movie to watch stoned: there’s literally a scene where they pull off a guy’s arm. The whole thing. Just because they wanted to know if they could. But that’s nothing in comparison to the rest. The entire thing is supremely disgusting - Japanese-style. Meaning limbs, fucking hoses of blood, needles, weird creatures, and an unrivaled sense of dark comedy. Too stoned to read subtitles? Not a problem, you can probably get through this entire gorefest without listening to a single word anyone says.
Goon – (2011)
Goon is one of those movies you accidentally stumble upon at 3AM while you’re just trying to keep the next day from coming. You got the supremely underrated Sean William Scott playing a man as dumb as a bag of bricks, but tougher than a bag of nails. So when he visits a hockey game and gets in a fight with a player, he knocks him clean out. Not long after, the coach of the opposing team basically just puts him on the squad solely to fight. Now, think Slap Shot meets that Superbad or Role Models type of humor - that’s Goon. So you got a perfectly long hour and a half movie where strange people say strange shit between knocking each other’s teeth out. This one’s for the zoning out stoner, about an hour into smoking for the first time of the day. Why? I’ll tell you, Reader X - it’s actually strangely amazing. You’ll end up caring about it way more than you wanted to.
God Bless America – (2011)
Woo, okay, this movie’s a trip. This crazy, old guy who fantasizes about shooting babies with a shotgun (or something) is clearly fed up with life. So somehow, he ends up partnering with a 16-year-old girl and murdering the star of every popular reality show. I don’t know how it got there, but don’t worry, the whole thing ends in a barrage of bullets at American Idol. How the fuck else would it end? You’re gonna wanna spark up and pop this one in if you’re hankering to laugh at something you shouldn’t. Like a friend’s failure, body builders doing anything, or someone trying to attach their arm back on. It’s one of those ones where you walk away thinking, “What the fuck did I just watch?” Because sometimes, there’s nothing better than that.
From Dusk Till Dawn – (1996)
Robert Rodriguez’s 1996 action/horror movie has been great to get high to since it came out. The whole thing stars George Clooney and Quentin Tarantino as criminals fleeing away from something that criminals don’t like - I don’t remember I was baked. Chances are you’ve seen this one already, or at least heard of it. If that’s the case, allow me to remind you how why it’s fun to get high to. You have to smoke halfway through because up until that point, it’s just a regular crime movie. And it’s good too. Next thing you know, Salma Hayek is dipping her foot in Tarantino’s mouth, vampires start ripping everyone apart, and George Clooney grins them all to death. There’s random fluids flying everywhere, crazy homemade guns, that one Mexican guy from every movie, Danny Trejo, shows up, and the most epically cheesy one-liners. It’s dope, just watch it. From Dusk Till Dawn is basically one of those movies that were made in the ’70s and were unbearably cheesy. But this one’s actually made well. It gets away with the crazy prosthetics and incredible gore - which is exactly what any smoker needs.
The Strange Color of Your Body’s Tears – (2013)
Look at that title already. Tell me you’re baked ass isn’t intrigued. I’d try to explain what this movie’s about, but it’d only confuse you. Maybe even make you angry. Just know it’s about an hour and 45 minutes of the trippiest, yet beautiful shit. Here’s the best way for me to put it. Imagine you were caught freeing prisoners of war from concentration camps somewhere in Nazi Germany back in the day. Oh no, you’re captured and being dragged to the basement. What’re they going to do? They strap you up to this crazy chair, Clockwork Orange-style, and throw this experimental snuff-feeling film on while they force you to watch it’s gnarly images on a bad batch of shrooms. No one comes out alive. This is that movie and it’s sick. It’s the movie that kid from college who really liked Lou Reed loves. The one he name drops as his favorite movie just for show. There’s crazy green and red lights everywhere while you’re just watching close-ups of some guy getting hacked with Sweeney Todd’s razor and shit. Technically, I’m pretty sure this is a horror movie, but I couldn’t tell you for sure because I have no idea what the hell I just watched.
Well, there you have it. Those are probably the best movies to watch on Netflix if you’re celebrating this beautiful holiday. Questions? Concerns? Comments? Think I left anything out? Concerned that all my favorite stoner movies are bloody and unsettling? Keep it to yourself. And no, I didn’t forget Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.