Much of my life and creativity has been driven by a rebellion against the mainstream and its ethos that bans individuality from wide-scale acceptance. I’ve found self identity in knowing exactly what I am not and by mustering pride in every aspect that I am. Even with them definitive traits of my existence - the past year of my life has tested my integrity on this stance with low income, lackluster project release results and fuck boy industry bridges burned.
Censorship is something typically implemented from an outside source onto a subject and his/her work. It serves as a veil over whatever truth and authenticity one is trying to voice. As an artist forever struggling to let his voice be heard; it’s ironic to know that out of fear of lack of acceptance and potential success, I’ve found myself censoring the ideas that I myself stand for.
Following your dreams is something easy for everyone to tell you. Actually doing it and maintaining whatever it is you stand for is a fucked up cornucopia of emotion and patience. I’ve been chasing the ever-evolving, insane dream of being a independent rapper since I was 11 years old. Through many triumphs, let downs, and punched walls; I’m now 27 still chasing the dream. After a while it can get tiresome standing by the voice and message that’s driven the pursuit after all these years.
I’ve caught myself these past few months saying what I think they want to hear. Producing what I think they want to dance to. Taking photos of what I think will get more likes. It’s funny what a desire of acceptance will make you do.
I guess it’s the itch for results that twist it all up. But if you really sit back and think about the entire process and love that drives what you do, the results really should fall secondary to the fucked up chase itself.
Let it be known I sat at my computer here for hours trying to figure out how to bring this piece home and drive a definitive message to you readers to implement into your lives with. After 928579857 cigarettes and a couple laps around the neighborhood, I got nothing for you except that this is the ugly beauty of what we do.
When I say we, I mean you and I. The people chasing an impossible dream through sunny day drunk days and blurry drugged out nights all for the sake that it gives this here life a bit more purpose than having some dollars you’re not grateful for.
One of my main purposes with this blog and everything I do is to inspire. Inspire whoever gets this far in the posts not only to continue pursuing whatever purpose they’ve mapped out for themselves; but to continue doing it without the preset filters this world gives us out of fear that we alone ain’t good enough.
If you got this far in the post, it’s probably clear that I needed to write this more than you needed to read it. Thanks for keepin’ it pushin’ with me. Now… Back to work.