[Editor’s note: The inimitable Rude Jude Angelini now has a new weekly advice column for TheHundreds.com. The shock jock-turned-memoirist wrote one of Bobby Hundreds’ favorite books of 2014. Now, he’s taking his sharp wit to The Hundreds in a recurring advice column where figures from our community reach out and ask Rude Jude for a helping hand.]
I’m a white guy who really prefers black women. However, when I go out, I rarely see any dark women. Those I do see are either too intimidated to approach me the way other girls do, or they assume I’m not interested in dark girls. I’ve got a lot going for me as far as looks and intelligence go, and I’ve got a good job and make good money. How do I meet more attractive black women without going somewhere that I might get my ass kicked for being the only white guy? I’m in Austin, Texas, by the way.
In love with the cocos
Okay, there’s just so much going on in here. Where do I start?
Well, first off, when talking about dating black chicks, you’re probably never ever gonna wanna say, “I’m in love with the cocos,” again. That makes you sound like a dick. While we’re at it, you’re not gonna wanna call ’em “dark girls” either. I think the acceptable term is African American or black. But the only people I hear who use the term African American are news anchors, uptight black people, and liberal white motherfuckers who don’t have any black friends; `a la half the people in Austin, bunch of smug motherfuckers walking around with their cold brewed coffees, patting themselves on the back about how progressive they are. Wow, you’re the most liberal city in Texas, that’s like being the tallest midget, winning the whites-only dunk contest, or the retard beauty pageant - yeah, you get a trophy, but in the grand scheme of things, not that big a deal.
So just go with black, I don’t think you have what it takes to deal with some chick that needs to be referred to as an African American. She’ll have you in “white guilt” panties in no time, holding her bag at the mall while she’s trying on red bottoms and you’re paying, apologizing for your pink undertones.
See, your problem is you fetishize these women - you’re building up their blackness. You’re turning them into these mythical creatures. You need to get over that quick, ’cause these chicks will figure you out in a week and dump you or run game on your dumb ass. I’m not that Hakuna Matata motherfucker either, claiming we’re all the same underneath. We’re not. There is a difference between races and cultures - acknowledge it, act accordingly, but don’t get hung up on it.
Here’s one difference: Generally speaking, black chicks might be used to dating black dudes. Guess what? Black dudes are a bit more aggressive when hollering at a chick - they’ll walk up on a girl and spit game. So your all at the bar, waiting on a girl to approach you shit, may not be as effective. Why don’t you behave like a fucking man and approach a woman? What are you some bitch or a pimp waiting to get chose?
Also, if you’re not comfortable being around a bunch of black people, then dating a black girl may not be for you. ‘Cause usually the way this shit goes, black women have black families unless they’re Webster. Didn’t get the reference? Google it. They also have black friends and go to black clubs and people can smell fear like B.O. so you better acclimated quick or it’s gonna be real awkward for you.
Actually, you know what? The more I type this, I don’t think you’re ready for a black chick. Why don’t you get you a nice Asian girl. You can have a bit of culture and you don’t have to deal with the historical baggage... or maybe a black Canadian gets you a black Canadian... maybe Drake has a sister.
Got questions for Rude Jude? Email YoJude@TheHundreds.com.