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HANDS OFF.

HANDS OFF.

By Bobby Hundreds

E3 is the annual Electronic Entertainment Expo, which is fancy-talk for an all-out global nerdfest. A lot of grown men wearing sandals with socks, Polo shirts tucked in, and lanyards as a fashion accessory in a way I haven’t seen since Willie Esco. I wish I knew more about video games, or was remotely interested in gaming, because I’d probably appreciate the convention more. So instead we have this yearly tradition where we just take photos of Scotty in front of all his favorite booth girls. (Or would you rather I talk about the coolest new hands-free platform version 3.0? Right. So.)

I mean, ’cause that’s what it’s really all about now in the video game world, right? Not using your hands. Just howElijah Wood predicted video games would be played in 2015 in Back to the Future II. The systems track your body movements, even your eyeballs. Gamers’ thumbs everywhere are breathing a sigh of relief.

I dunno, is this cool? I think it’s cool! Mario and Sonic together? That’s like when Daffy and Donald collabed in Roger Rabbit.

If you heard a girl’s name was Arianny Celeste, you’d probably expect her to look just as hot as this. And by Jove, you’d be right.

Here’s one of those configurations that tracks eye movements, and aligns them to bizarre animal faces. Scotty was amused for about an hour and a half with the screen and it broke his heart when I had to explain to him later that he really didn’t have a rabbit face.

This cameraman was wearing our Freshcotton-exclusive collaboration snapback from Amsterdam as well as our shorts. They were speaking a foreign language I can only assume was Japanese.

This could quite possibly be the worst photograph of Verne Troyer ever. The guy at the door was demanding to see his credentials and ID’d him. Kinda weird considering NO ONE ELSE IN THE WORLD LOOKS LIKE VERNE TROYER.

There was a big draw for this Phineas and Ferg thing. This guy even wore his lucky purple condom cap.

That UFO was flying around like Batteries Not Included. They should remake that movie and Mac and Me while they’re at it. No they shouldn’t. Yes they should! NO!! Shut up and go to sleep! Zzzzzzzzzz

In 2 years, she’s gonna tell her friends “Sheesh, remember when I used to film on my iPad? So embarassing now.” And her friends are gonna say, “THAT WAS EMBARASSING EVEN WHEN YOU DID IT.”

This guy is overcompensating.

Remember that scene in Star Wars when Ben Hundreds duels with a Storm Trooper but he totally overestimated his weapon of choice?

E3 was a complete waste of time.

by bobbyhundreds

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