How the hell do you pronounce Silja? (Sil-YA)

She and I met in Oslo at an Aquavit focus group. We had been randomly selected to taste some new product and talk about it. (It was awful. Tasted like lighter fluid with some grape drink added to it.) We bonded over the fact that we hated the taste and wanted to get the fuck out of there. And getting the fuck out of there, we did. We hit the town and spent the entire day learning Norwegian drinking songs and exchanging many troll stories. Norway is fucking weird. I have never been…

She hit me up the other day to show me her “raw healthy balls.” I thought she’s talking about some freaky European shit so I told her to come over, but turns out the “balls” are made of nuts fruit and citrus zest… Some weird model food thing that I cannot be a part of. It all tastes like a Whole Foods employee’s hair, but healthy. Why can’t models text me saying, “Hey dude, I got you a steak from Morton’s and I’m going to bring that shit over for you.” Sigh…