Alright, nobody’s head has fallen off, that was a slight exaggeration. But you get the point.

The Coronavirus is kicking our ass.

I mean, this thing came out of nowhere (not really) and decimated our entire way of life (pretty ehh to begin with) in a matter of days.

This virus snatched sports from us without a second thought, just absolutely eviscerating March Madness, the NBA, and the Olympics like it was nothing. Some of us (me) were about to create our own stimulus package by winning the office fantasy basketball league but noooo, stupid ass Rudy Gobert had to go and lick toilets all over the greater Salt Lake City metropolitan area.

But sports wasn’t the only thing the Coronavirus stole from us.

Remember music festivals and live music in general? Thing of the past. Now, you have to watch concerts on Instagram Live. Sending 20 hearts in a row is the new putting a lighter in the air.

Remember hugging your friends and family? Yeah, that’s extinct. So is shaking hands. The only people stoked on this are those who could never quite get the dap right.

Remember eating out at restaurants aka eating? Turns out, that was life. That was everything. Of all the things we’ve lost, the foodservice industry is probably the one I miss the most. I’m having to look up how to cook things online, it’s absurd.

And now we’re basically on lockdown. Everything is closed and we’re staying in our cribs all day and night. People are reading! Like wtf.

It's so bad that you're thinking of reading a book. Here are some suggestions. https://t.co/iqpPxJi635

— Bobby Hundreds (@bobbyhundreds) March 17, 2020

But if that’s the worst it gets, fine. In all seriousness, there are a ton of people losing their livelihood in this devastating recession and an alarming amount of people getting sick across the globe. At this point, I’m just grateful to be relatively healthy and employed.

Keep social distancing, keep washing your hands, and stop shooting me out of the air before I can even land in Warzone.

Sincerely,
LongLive_TheDuke on PS4

For today’s internet grab bag, we’re kicking things off with a Roald Dahl classic in honor of The Hundreds X Roald Dahl dropping tonight at 9 PM PST. Shout out whoever uploaded the entire movie of Matilda to Youtube without it getting yanked by the cybercops. And if you haven’t read our interview with Matilda herself, go read that now.