Dear Mr. Richard Head,
This is our Customer Service team at The Hundreds. Their names are David, Brice, and Bonnie. They are some of our brightest and best; the most patient and positive individuals involved in this company. And they are doing everything in their power to help you.
They work their hardest to address your concerns about an order that you haven’t received, or a billing issue, or a wrong color, and are more than willing to correct an error if it exists on our end, or clear up confusion if it happens to be on yours. Sometimes we misread an order, or you ignore the disclaimer on the receipt, or “It’s just a hold on your card, it hasn’t been charged,” or you try to return an item after wearing it and washing it and pouring marinara sauce down the front. Regardless, David, Brice, and Bonnie are trying to figure this out for you because this is Planet Earth where mistakes tend to happen.
But if, out of frustration or anger or sheer stupidity, you decide to take out your bad day on David, Brice, and Bonnie… if you resort to vicious name-calling or screaming to the point where you are insulting and demoralizing our staff… If you threaten that you’ll never support The Hundreds again, after all these years you’ve been dedicated to our brand, and you can’t wait to support a competitor of ours…
Then please, PLEASE, do so.
You see, you’d be doing us a huge favor. I actually would prefer you didn’t wear our clothing. Because if you are this big of a douchebag to a complete stranger, then imagine how you act to the people in your community. Imagine how much you are secretly, or obviously, hated. And by wearing our clothing, you’re advertising us with that reputation. Yup, I’d much rather forego the few hundred bucks you spend on our product to lose the negative publicity you’ve been bringing our brand (p.s. this also goes for those of you with douchebag parents like the dad who hurled an unwaranted “Fuck You!” to Bonnie yesterday afternoon)
The difference between us and any other greedy, bloodsucking corporation out there is that your money isn’t as important to us as your credibility. Furthermore, we have a priority to take care of, and protect, our crew and family. David, Brice, and Bonnie are our crew and family. (In fact, all of our customers are, as long as they can behave and exist as normal, mature human beings).
We’re sorry but this isn’t Burger King where it’s your way, right away. And this isn’t your traditional retail outlet where the customer is always right. We don’t have a multi-tiered automated service system that files your complaint away in a corporate abyss. We have David, Brice, and Bonnie. They are some of our brightest and best; the most patient and positive individuals involved in this company. And they are doing everything in their power to help you.