As we all know, the comments on celebrities’ social media pages can be very strange, to say the least. Remarkably, regardless of the content of the post, people find a way to argue about something, and usually some inexplicable nonsense is peppered throughout as well. Needless to say, a woman who posts a ton of pictures of her butt is no exception to this alarming trend.

In a post a few months back, the great Van Styles showed us some awesome shots of Instagram’s most famous booty and its owner Jen Selter (the below photo is from their shoot). The 20 year old has a follower count of 3.4 million, which is about relative to the size of her butt.

While most who follow her are probably normal functioning people who just appreciate a nice rear-end, she also has some insanely creepy followers. They aren’t shy about it either. From bizarre fetishes to pathetic attempts at not appearing creepy that, in turn, make them sound like serial killers, the fitness model gets some of the most disturbing comments you’ll ever see on the Internet.

I spent way too long sifting through the spam – envious girls saying, “She’s not the great,” and dudes offering their faces as a place for her to sit – to share with you, in no particular order, the most hilariously hair-raising comments.

::

I love that he tagged a couple buddies in this and added “or nah?” As if to say, “I’m up for an extensive conversation in which we weigh the pros and cons eating candy out of Jen Selter’s butt.”

This guy clearly knows little about how sex and monarchies work.

First of all, how dare you talk about my grandma’s big yet asymmetrical ass. Rude. Also, whose determining factor for the quality of one’s ass is symmetry?

Adding all those extra letters at the end just make him sound WAY too desperate. If I were Jen Selter, I’d save my farts for the mouth of someone with a little more self-confidence.

18 miles but not a single inch more. He has self respect.

I see what he’s trying to say here, but no woman wants a guy with three legs. They want a guy with two legs and a penis. Come on, Julio, don’t you know anything?

This doesn’t even make sense. No disrespect to Jen, but the breath-taking sights of The Great Barrier Reef >>>>>>

This guy is clearly way too into sunsets.

Let me answer that for you. Yes.

Classic. The “I’m not like all the other guys” tactic. You know who aren’t like all the other guys? Serial killers, and that’s what he sounds like right now.

Am I the only one concerned that this guy may have a serious medical issue? Tongues aren’t supposed to just fall out of your mouth like that.

Why the “ums?” Did he use Siri to type this for him? If so, poor Siri. And another thing, does he want to lick her feet or lick the picture she posts of her feet? Make yourself clear, bro. How else will master know what you want to lick?!

Exciting? He says it like it’s a trailer for a new summer blockbuster. “Critics agree, Jen Selter’s butt is the most exciting rear-end you will see this year.”

Pretty messed up to use the holy praying hands emoji in the same breath as a boner joke.

I think I know what he meant, but it’s way funnier to think that a picture of Jen Selter is really messing up this kid’s pet iguana. Also, this is why children should not have smart phones.

Who says “navel”? Fucking creeps, that’s who.

I think he’d have a better chance asking her to go on a date with him to Chili’s. And I love how he says he’s currently communicating with a fake Jen Selter Facebook page even though he knows it’s not her.

He added “(hot )” just in case she saw the comment and was like, “NICE? WHAT DOES HE MEAN BY THAT? WHAT DOES tommywhatever REALLY THINK OF ME?!”

Way to knock her down a few pegs by comparing her to underage girls, bro. She will definitely “do you” since you clarified that you’re not a hater.

Aerodynamic? Someone send this guy and the symmetry dude a list of appropriate adjectives one can use to describe a… wait did he say “ass booty”?

Why’d he tag his friend? He’s like, “Bro, check out this scientifically impossible and violent joke I made behind my masked internet persona to a real person who has feelings.”

Maybe those Doomsday Preppers weren’t so crazy after all.