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USE YOUR ILLUSION.

USE YOUR ILLUSION.

By Bobby Hundreds

It’s only been about 4 hours since this dress thing went viral, but half the world’s completely ignored the Net Neutrality catastrophe and instead consumed themselves with this optical illusion (and llamas), so if this is the first you’re hearing of this, visit the original, extremely slow-loading Buzzfeed article about a Tumblr post about a low-res photograph of a dress that 75% of people thinks is gold and white, and a quarter of us (inferior race) see as black and blue.

Our office staff erupted at the end of the day, tearing their hair out as to how the other side could be so blatantly wrong. “What does it all mean!?,” we cried to the double rainbows. Everything fell into question. People second-guessed their sexuality and/or wondered if they had turned the oven off. Suddenly, we lost trust in each other, the human race, and maybe even ourselves… We will always remember this day as a turning point in humanity’s self-awareness and existential epiphany. Like how we all felt after the first David Blaine special or when we found out the FHRITP guy was fake

The greatest part about all of this is that we – the all-knowing, omnipotent humankind – can still be humbled: wowed, surprised, and mystified in the Internet age. For something as simple as a blurry phone pic to starkly divide the population, scoffing at the other’s mental deficit… the debate is ripe for Hate Comments culture. We can be polarized about Obama, gay marriage, and now, an (OBVIOUSLY BLACK AND BLUE) dress! But doesn’t it feel amazing to be totally baffled again, like how we used to be with urban legends and Japanese gameshows before Snopes and Wikipedia party-pooped everything.

Over on my Instagram, I published this parody incorporating our Ridge flannel, and people were still seeing gold and white. I’m confused. So when you guys bump your knee, does it swell up with a shiny gold and white bruise? Maybe Hulk Hogan looks black and blue to you? (Rhetorical) And then the strangest thing happened. I jumped to this link about the scientific explanation and all of a sudden, my eyes were reading the dress (and our shirt) as white and gold! I scrolled down, then back up, and the dress reverted back to its blue state.

And so I killed myself. I’m writing this from the afterlife. God sees blue and gold. Maybe this is hell.

… Kinda makes you wonder what else in life is like this (Is my red and yellow McDonald’s your green and brown?) and how many relationships have suffered and nations have warred over seeing the same thing two different ways ….

 

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