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FREE MONEY.

FREE MONEY.

By Bobby Hundreds

It’s very simple, really. You work hard for us, and we give you free money. What a deal.

For the first (and maybe last) time ever, we’re posting our open job listings at The Hundreds HeadQuarters right HERE. On the blog. Why? Because if anyone gets us, it’s probably you, the faithful blog reader. And also, because we’re tired of you asking how you can work for us, and who else you’re gonna have to sleep with because you’ve already drilled the entire warehouse crew. So here’s your chance, the field is wide open. You can do it!!

First, there are rules. If you’re one of those people that can’t follow the simplest of instructions, then you’re also probably the type toconfusedly play the fire extinguisher like a saxophonewhile the rest of us are trapped in a raging office fire.

1) Only apply for the job if you can satisfy the listed requirements. It doesn’t matter if you’re 1 year shy of the requisite work experience, or you have an excuse, or your mom wrote a sweet letter of recommendation about you. Please don’t waste our time or yours, if you don’t fit the minimal requirements, then please do not e-mail us.

2) Title the e-mail with the job position you are applying for. Any e-mails that don’t follow this rule will be immediately deleted before we even get to the body. Unless it’s a really sexy body.

3) Cover letter. Résumé. And portfolio (if you are seeking a design-oriented position). Mandatory. Mandatory. Mandatory.

4) To apply for a job, e-mail all of the above to workatth@gmail.com. We intentionally chose a confusing address because life is too easy.

5) You must be 18 or older to apply. The jobs are located in Los Angeles. No, you can not sit next to Bonnie.

And these are the jobs we are currently hiring for at The Hundreds:

Receptionist
– Proficient knowledge of Microsoft Office
– No leprosy
– That’s about it.

Illustrator / Graphic Designer
– Minimum 3 years of actual work experience as an illustrator and graphic designer (No, drawing hearts on your bathroom mirror after a shower does not count)
– Proficient knowledge of Adobe Creative Suite
– Hand-drawing skills are a must.
– Must be willing to drop everything and fetch ice cream (Sorry, Benjie’s request?)

Web-based Graphic Designer / Layout / Person / Thing
– Minimum 3 years of actual work experience as such.
– Proficient knowledge of Adobe Creative Suite
– Can not be a killer.

Apparel Designer
– Minimum 3 years of actual work experience as an Apparel Designer in our industry.
– Proficient knowledge of Adobe Creative Suite
– Isn’t prone to making clothing that fits the “homeless vampire” or “Renaissance MMA fighter” look
– Must endure working under a very beautiful man who resembles a surfing Jesus but Canadian and bad at Instagram.

Footwear Assistant Developer
– 2 years of actual work experience in footwear
– Must have a solid understanding of QC, overseas planning, costing, sourcing, and how to skip through the previews on a Blu-Ray player.
– Proficient knowledge of Adobe Creative Suite (notice a pattern here?)
– Must love shoes so much that you also wear a pair on your hands.

Footwear Marketing Coordinator
– 2 years of actual work experience in marketing
– Proficient knowledge of social media.
– Must laugh at my jokes.

Production Manager
– 5 years of actual work experience as a Production Manager
– Must have background in managing apparel production
– To clarify, this position is to manage production and not produce managers.

by bobbyhundreds

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