[Editor’s note: The inimitable Rude Jude Angelini now has a new weekly advice column for TheHundreds.com. The shock jock-turned-memoirist wrote one of Bobby Hundreds’ favorite books of 2014. Now, he’s taking his sharp wit to The Hundreds in a recurring advice column where figures from our community reach out and ask Rude Jude for a helping hand.]

YO! JUDE,

So me and my chick have been experimenting with going to swingers clubs and shit. While we do not swap, we’ve found out that we like watching other people fuck, and being watched as we fuck. We been talking about getting down with another couple, or adding another person to our mix, but the people at the clubs aren’t exactly prime pickings. 

So my question is what are ways to find people to add in besides your go to Tinder. How would one go about asking a friend or acquaintance of ours if they would be interested without looking like complete pervs or freaks?

Thanks for your time brotha, and keep up what your doing, I enjoy that shit.

Signed,
Experimental Banging

Here’s the deal: we’re three columns in and I’m already out of my depths. I know right? Not what you wanted to hear from the advice guy but I’ve never swung or swang or whatever the past tense to having some dude fuck your wife is. I’m not judging by the way, I’m just low key jealous and insecure it may have broken my brain had I heard my girl moan louder off some other dick... Or I may have really dug it and jerked off to it, which is equally disturbing. Who knows?  What if I’m that guy that’s like rubbing my chicks back while she’s getting railed by a bodybuilder. That would be something I would have to come to terms with.

I know what you’re saying, “Well, I get to fuck a girl too, Jude.”

I imagine you’re gonna be using rubbers, when was the last time you’ve fucked a chick with a rubber? It feels awful. You might as well fuck some couch cushions. I’m just saying it seems like a shitty trade for you to get some new pussy.

But you didn’t write in for me to discuss the merits of wife swapping. You wanna know where to go and what to do. Now as I’ve said before I’ve never done this but if I did, I wouldn’t bring in a couple I was friends with. Too much can go wrong.  Maybe someone’s dick stinks. Maybe somebody catches feelings. Maybe an affair happens. I don’t know how many times I’ve heard this occur, some friends do some swapping two of em hit it off, a week later she’s telling her man she’s going to yoga class but she’s really sucking off his buddy in the Chili’s parking lot and months later the guy ends up finding out, everything goes to shit. Then who you gonna play Apples to Apples with on Thursdays?

They have swingers resorts but the good looking to ugly couple ratio is atrocious. It makes sense most the cats doing this have been with each other a while, the kids are out of the house, they got a strong bond, they’ve tried every position possible, so here they are in Jamaica fat as hell, looking like they’ve given up on life, getting fucked by other middle aged couples.

So what I would do if I was you, Craigslist. That what it’s here for, blowjobs and buying couches. My homeboy? He fucked a Playboy model off that shit, while her man watched, nutted on her belly, and old boy came and licked it up. That last part bummed him out but hey he still got to smash a Playboy model, so there’s that.

The way I would do it if I was you, do some picture for a picture type shit, stipulate that yall gotta get drinks on a night prior to the rendezvous, just to make sure you click. If you do, make a date, get a hotel room, bring some coke and Viagra and fuck the shit outta each other.

Oh yeah also there’s AdultFriendFinder which is like another site, I’ve never used it but my buddy was going nuts on that shit till he got herpes.

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Got questions for Rude Jude? Email YoJude@TheHundreds.com.