With a new album on the way, and a new outlook on the world, David Banner David Banner came through to talk about creative thoughts. He does not particularly appreciate when you make it rain rubber bands while screaming TIP DRILL!! as he walks into the meeting. (note to self: replace rubber bands in the supply closet)

“Some people only meet one, two… if you are real lucky three people that will change the course of your life forever. Jimmy Smith is one of those people.” -David Banner (5:04pm yesterday)

David and Jimmy first worked together a few years ago on the Gatorade “Evolve” campaign. David Banner wrote, produced, arranged, and performed THIS SONG. Are you kidding me?  He took ‘em to church on that one. That’s not even fair to everyone that calls themselves an artist.

Jimmy is life changing. There isn’t a single soul on earth that has a bad thing to say about Jimmy Smith.  There are urban legends in the Portland homeless community that instead of giving money, Jimmy would take pan handlers out to a nice meal. Jimmy and his family are the only symbols that kind, honest, normal families still exist. He also likes to accept awards he receives in Jordan warm up suits head to toe.

While everyone is talking so highly of each other, get like me and just see if David Banner keeps his Bentley unlocked…

The mobile home exhibit is one of the most complete exhibits of mobile homing ever exhibited.

I doubt you have ever thought what happens to dice when they have out lived their usefulness. Rotten Luck focuses on what happens when a die dies.

Just an X-Ray image of a pitcher plant for your jaded eyes.

Hypersymbolic cognitation, or superstition was basically law before we assassinated all the witches and invented the radio. It’s hard to understand if this museum contains massive amounts of uncatalogued knowledge… or is a very elaborate joke. Mice on toast, or mice pie cures bedwetting and stammering. Now you know why Ben Hundreds never wet the bed.

When you are a child you are not suppose to pick up a dying animal. Because if it dies while you are holding it, you will suffer from trembling hands for the rest of your life.

In another rags to riches tale, we meet a stray dog wandering the streets of Moscow. Who’d a thought she’d be gold medal figure skater Oksana Biaul!… I mean. Laika! The first earth born creature to ever travel into space. And you thought it was a camera… shame on you.

Real holograms are made out of glass. If you break the glass each shard will contain the fulls image if the hologram. It’s science.

These are just holy spirits.

This is a garden… on the ROOF!

Early gaming set up.

200 years ago kids still sat alone like nerds focussed on some worthless toy. In this case a piece of cheese string, and the ability to stunt so hard motherfuckers try to tie you, can make a portrait of Phillip Seymore Hoffman with your fingers.

Three hands seems like cheating, this is like a pilgrim with a game genie.

Jim Darling took to it faster than 2 rats humping in a wool sack.

This is my favorite. The only known species of bat called “the Piercing Devil” is eternally frozen in this block of lead. It is said they bat has a superior evolved echolocation, which allows the animal to fly through solid objects. No fuck you, read it here.

Gary and I parted ways some time in Junior High. He may have had a cameo in a game of stickball in some run down park in East Boston when anyone one playing catcher was automatically Gary Carter. Or if I met someone with the last name Carter I would immidiatley sarcastically ask, “Any relation to THE Gary Carter?”. But soon Gary disappeared from my life completely.

Until January of 2010. When brainstorming about creating a parody sports twitter account I was thinking of which ’80s Baseball star to ghost write hilarious, offensive, inappropriate insights into other forgotten, obscure professional athletes. On this day Gary Carter Raw was born. Gary was chosen because he was the most unassuming character. He won the World Series with Darryl Strawberry, Ron Darling, Bob Ojeda, and the 3 run homer by Howard Johnson. I imagined Gary on the Met’s plane with everyone celebrating telling Darryl Strawberry, “Hey Straw, let’s chill out on the drugs, she has had enough…” or just keeping order to a team of wild-boys that just won the World Series. The fake Twitter account wasn’t intended for anything other than a place to store our jokes. Gary wasn’t picked for any other reason than he was a nice guy. You will not find any negative incidents surrounding this hall of famers name. One important piece of the formula was Gary’s accomplishments occurred before the internet was invented. When I started the account there was maybe 3 articles connected to Gary Carter. After The Thrillist feature on Gary Carter Raw (GCR) it got over 2000 followers in one night. This created new interest of writing the most offensive sports snaps to the growing audience.  Around the same time Maclean Jackson joined the crew, any joke you actually laugh at, or contains more than one layer of thinking, was definitely written by Mac.Since Gary is not on Twitter and there wasn’t much news about him in the last 20 years, our toilet humor joke account was really Gary’s only internet presence.  Until an article last spring alerting the world that “The Kid” had a possibly cancerous brain tumor.  His fans scrambled to the web to reminisce on their favorite Carter moments, plays, photos, quotes… and what did they find? Gary Carter Raw. Mac and I never intended to tarnish the legends legacy in any way. This guy hit 324 home runs in his career, without steroids…  He is a really, really good guy. (Not in the generic, nothing-better-to-say way, in the cool-dad-you-drink-beer-with way). He played with one of the biggest group of major league slimeballs ever, of all time. What have you ever done in your life? Daryl Strawberry would not respect you. Doc Gooden would run your bitch ass off the field. Keith Hernandez would piss and diarrhea and spray paint “faggot” in your locker. And you wouldn’t do shit. Gary Carter won a World Series. Twitter threatened to delete the account because of complaints, so we changed it to Gary UnCarter. Yesterday Gary’s daughter wrote about her fathers condition on her website. To the Carter family we would like to extend our deepest condolences, and sincere apology if we have cause any grief from our immature behavior. If it means anything we have decided to retire the GCR account just as Gary’s jersey is being retired.

Number 8 means alot of things to a lot of people. I just hope  I get a chance to meet him, before he disappears again.

These paintings are all on loan from their owners. It’s kind of like looking into a strangers house. A strange billionaire with no security, alarm, or furniture. What had me spinning was the “Hirst Spot Challenge“. Since no one I know can afford a Spot Painting, except maybe Rick Salomon or my drug dealer… The Gagosian and Damien have come up with a unique contest to get a unique Spot Print for FREE!!! Well, almost free… if you visit every single Gagosian location in the world (Beverly Hills, 3 in New York, 2 in London, Geneva, Athens, Rome, Paris, and Hong Kong) you will get one FREE! All you need is 2 million frequent flier miles, no need for food or sleep, oh.. and you gotta come up with the taxes required when you inherit something worth around 50 Large.

So I got infected with Damien Hirst fever… no not gonorrhea… this indescribably urge to use this challenge as an excuse to go around the world in like 8 days. First I read the rules out loud and waited for reactions. After the initial, “you’re gay” and “how did you get in here?!” A few of my colleagues started brainstorming on how we could affordably travel to 11 galleries internationally.

You can’t mail your card to different cities, you have to be there in person with government i.d.  We started thinking of all the stewardess’ we knew, or military people that can fly free. Then I thought to approach brands. Of course brands would want to be involved in the most sensational contemporary artist of all time. Calling several airlines, cashing in thousands of frequent flyer miles, selling my daughters kidney medication got the price down substantially.  You can fly around the world, on awful airlines, with a million layovers, in coach for about $4,000. Amex and Delta have an “around the world” deal you can do for about $6,000… but its all coach. I got $8,800 all first class… but where will I stay? Do you rent a car in Paris after taking the train from London? What if Steven Vogel maces me for some remark I made 6 years ago? Platinum American Express card holders have a deal where international flights, a companion flies free.  So I tour the globe with a buddy… sell one print to pay for the taxes and expenses… keep the other… but, it is unclear if the print will be worth anything at all. So am i going?

These prints are available right now online. Prices range from $3,500 to $7500. I could just grab one of these and call it a day. No, fuck that. It is an excuse to go around the world. The first time I went to NYC in 2003 was to visit the newly invented Daves Quality Meats. I drove to the train, trained to Boston, took the 4 hours Fung Wa bus to Chinatown NYC. Interviewed Daves for about 30 minutes and journeyed all the way home.  It got me a 5 page spread in Sneaker Freaker. So I feel this is kinda the same thing.

1 down. 10 to go.

Kinky cop.

UPDATE: This blog shows you clearly how to complete the Spot Challenge for $5,768 for 2 people.

Buff Monster! He was painting the mural at pɹɐpuɐʇs ǝɥʇ Hotel. This is day two in progress.

This is a the sketch of what it’s going to look like.  See he does put thought into it! Clearly it is the the journey a young ice cream cone must walk in the land of boob ice cream and candy cane dicks.

However, We have all seen an artist paint a mural before. It just so happens Buff Monster has to paint while a judicial travesty has happened. Today Buff is joined by his father, Bernard von NotHaus. Get comfortable, you won’t be this excited about reading since you found a copy of Legshow under your Uncle Gary’s Marshall stack in Sudbury.

Buff Monster was raised in Hawaii.  He recalls making gold coins on Saturdays for his fathers business. Bernard von NotHaus created a thing called “Private Currency“, you know like paper certificates that represented piles of silver and gold he had in a warehouse in Indiana. Just like our own money represented before massive inflation devalued our current monetary system.

Bernard von NotHaus created the Liberty Dollar. Certificates that represented real silver, gold and copper. At the height of the Liberty Dollar there was over 20 million dollars worth in circulation. Mostly in the coin collector community, like the sneaker community but with real worth. My favorite is the $20 Silver coin with the gun on it.

After the Patriot Act was passed on Sept 12, 2001 the war on terror and hysteria about terrorist on our own soil was rampant.  We got to invade Iraq and Afghanistan as well as illegally search and arrest anyone that is suspicious. Not coincidentally this is the year Ben Hundreds never left the house.

Mr. von NotHaus was just doing his thing, making his own currency, speaking at colleges and events, and having dinner with his friend and supporter Ron Paul.  Until one day in 2006, the secret service and FBI raided his office.  They confiscated 5 tons of gold, 4 tons of silver and 200 tons of copper. As well as every computer, file cabinet and arrested any one there. Did you know it was illegal to own gold?

Bernard von NotHaus was convicted of counterfeiting and domestic terrorism. In spring of 2011 he was found guilty.  He is currently awaiting sentencing for a harmless hobby that the government didn’t care about for 20 years, then decided they need to impound everything this man has every created and earned.

We are sitting here on Wilshire painting and at any moment they could take a 68 year old man away for 22 years.  Could be more… could get thrown out. Do you like the mountains Buff is painting?

This is Buff Monster pink. Custom made.

This is Tim.

I’m really trying to get a documentary made about Bernard von NotHaus, If I succeed it might raise enough awareness and keep him out of prison. Please click on all the links and draw your own conclusions. But some of the reports are bullshit fear inducing lies. The best part about all of this… IT’S BUFF MONSTER’S DAD!

Dabs and Myla finishing up on Day 2. Jim Darling loves these guys.

Brian Torres was the 2nd person I met when I moved to L.A. Thanks to Jenn Klein because it is always good to cite your friend sources. Looks like Shoebacca is going hard after Zappos. B.T. Rules.

I really hope it’s pants connected to sneakers because I never know which one to put on first.

Team Twisselman headed off to the ranch.

Eleon had some impressive full color grip tape. They gave me this one. I was thankful.

Joshton Peas was posted up, holding down, professionally commandering the Frank’s Chop Shop booth.

The opportunist of the day award goes to this guy… that found an empty booth and just made it work. From what I can tell he has two models in his spring line.  A beanie and a crewneck that says “cool”.

Andriod Homme was most likely not impressed with what I had to say.

Live from Eugene Oregon! The crowd favorite of Agenda, Will Leathergoods. Will, if you read this… I didn’t get a promo item…

Incase showing off next seasons outwear for your phone. Sometimes you just want a better experience through good design.

If there was anyone here that cared if I lived or died it is Mike Brown. The owner/creator of TRUE. I think everyone wearing a t-shirt owes him a “thank you” or an apology.

The Illest dude is Mark Arcenal. I have been asked everything from “do you work for Fatlace” to “Is that his real last name?”. Mark will have more surprising collaborations coming out this year than you can shake a Porsche at.

Illest Beats by Dre and a model on Mark’s Skyline.

Mega and Muggs

Jason Markk got his start in advertising… just like most great inventions.

MOOSE! This guy has more secrets than Casey Anthony‘s cellmate!

Evan and Carlos. I asked Carlos to borrow a dollar… he said “sorry, I’m a little short.”

This car was covered in fabric… it had the whole show actin’ like they was on that Jeffery.

Neverland was a way better name Lil Wayne.

New Footwear alert! My road dog Reggie Gilbert has a huge part in developing the new skate shoe Praxis.

Reggie also hipped me to Super Brand surfboards. I hope to have a great feature on this company soon.  Like way before summer soon.

I’m not sure I have ever loved anything more.

Donna Lamar, creative director to the stars and amateur surfer was there.

One of us doesn’t think their hair is a living joke. Bart Reitano walked across the street from 530 Media Labs to get some free stickers.

Awweee… these elephant print glasses come in little sneaker boxes, by 9Five.

I really liked one of their frames, so I asked; “If I break my Ray Bans, will you give me a pair?”

It was my “Destiny“.

No joke, the Spitfire one is fucking awesome.

Rick Klotz out on front street.

Deon is a professional drinker that also runs the clothing boutique Concepts in Cambridge Mass. See how I said it like I had nothing to do with it… just like everyone else in the world talks!

One big room.. full of…

After a successful Agenda show there is nothing left to do cept take two percocets and start drinking.

Deon and Birdman buy tables they don’t even sit at.

How come when you are born no body sings happy birthday?

Burnrubber Ro, Spiderplant hair, New Balance, The guy that arranged the photo tallest to shortest to tallest, girls…. and Johnny Barros.

… but have you seen THIS!? The new Fatlace Garage. The only place in the United States to get your RWB conversion kit for your Porsche 911.  It only adds an additional 150HP to your existing 450. But Mark is consistently on the next shit I don’t expect anyone to care about this for another year or so.

This is the Crown Vic we drove down from Portland. You can literally park it anywhere. Ask me how I know.

Mark is suffering from a problem. I would have said he has “Cadillac Problems” but it’s more like foreign car problems. Mark has 13 cars and he just bought an Acura NSX. Since he has an ILLEST store in L.A., Mark asked me… hey.. what’s that sign back there…

If I didn’t know any better… that looks like the BAPE sign from the now defunct Melrose store…. hmmm. what is it doing there? ( he said knowingly…)

So as I was saying, Mark wanted to keep a car in L.A. so he has one for when he visits…

… like 3 times a year he visits…

… So Mark said why don’t you take the Porsche Turbo. It is really hard to drive cuz of the racing clutch… but you will figure it out.

Have fun! Mark also lowered the car a few inches because he can’t stand the gap between the wheel-well and the tire. He also can’t stand pulling into a parking lot and not making a horrifying scraping sound and leaving gouges in the asphalt.

I’ve only stalled it about 14 times so far. You will see me on every street in L.A… cept Fairfax cuz there is a little hill at the light.

This is the Skyline he wants to giveaway, Ben Hundreds you might have a chance at getting this one.

Jorge Ayala figured out I was in S.F. via social media. He is an aspiring blogger, streetwear enthusiast, motivated trap artist.

I was flattered Jorge had so many questions on how to follow a similar path as me.  All I can offer is; accept any opportunity presented to you, work for free.  If the job or task doesn’t pay don’t let that deter you from working. You do a good job and it will lead to something. Also it help to have incredible hair and be ridiculously good looking.

Unrelated, this is made out of post it notes.

He says way more swears then I was prepared for.

Trophy case at U of O.  That whale trophy is pretty pissa.

Original Oregon Ducks mascot costume.

Bill “Big Deal” Bowerman.

Nike designs the outfits. Before each game they call it, “getting all dressed up“.

Win The Day.

After renting a Crown Vic, because Chet bitched for 3 days about how he wouldn’t pay for gas in an Escalade or drive in one from Portland to L.A. After all that we found the Foundry Shop in Ashland Oregon.

Owned, operated, created by my boy Original Gilbert, (his initial are O.G.!)

Raw materials just lying around.

Golden GIRLs.

We made it to S.F. in time for martinis at the W. Teresa Tran and Eugene Jefferson acted accordingly.

Love under the iPad.

Foggin’ up the windows.

I ran out of things to say.

I knew thousands of hours spent on 4chan would be useful for something… the old bathroom self shot.  It’s become a symbol of a generation. Have you ever walked around the Grove and recognized a 15 year old girl from her bathroom self shot? Me either that’s weird.

It took me an hour to put this suit on by myself. I had to eat some blueberry pancakes, I was in for a long day. I freaked out the room service ladies… but I just told them I was afraid of STD’s.

This suit cost $15,000. Do you have any idea how difficult it is to masturbate in a suit of armor? It’s just as impossible the 4th time if you know what I meme.

This is vintage chain-mail, which means its great against stabbing, but useless against sharks. If a shark were to bite my head I’d be fucked for two reasons. First I’d get bite in the face by a shark. Second if there was a shark in my hotel room there would be a 100% chance my bed would be soaked.

Just going to my audition at Medieval Times. Add this to the list of “Things I wish Supreme made… 1. Coffin; 2. Range Rover; 3. Suite of Armor.

Sir Thanks a lot. What’s that gauntlet Margiela?

Getting stood up on prom night must be embarrassing. Being stood up at the Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure summit is a new low. Does this breast plate make me look fat?

This day I caught Pablo working on his mixtape with another one man music machine, the midwest’s teeth showing sound maker MOD SUN.

Before you get any ideas lemme born some science on you. Pablo was on the road to be a basketball star. In 6th grade (5 years ago) Wane Slappy would stop by the hose to mentor Pabs.  I call him Pabs. Then he caught the perfect storm of viruses and was bedridden for almost 3 years. Doctors were baffled and he was not expected to survive. After visiting a spiritual more non traditional medicine man he was cured in 2 days. While not playing basketball he fell in love with hip hop and as soon as he could walk he focused 1005 on his new dream.

Mod Sun has mad nick-naks.

Pablo‘s new mentor is David Banner, he makes his own beats, writes and sings his own songs. He has produced a song for Gucci Mane, and tells me daily insane upcoming opportunities that I can’t say but you will know around the time of Coachella…

The entire Dylan family is Royalty. He doesn’t actually have to do anything to be successful but I have seen him grinding every day till 2-3am on this mix tape for 6 months. Why has it taken so long?  Every time he creates a new sound he starts over… he started over yesterday!