Monthly Archives: February 2013

If you are like me you like to give gifts to people every single day. If you’re like me you also lie a lot. But one gift that is always a crowd-pleaser is a luxury scented candle. We are all familiar with Yankee Candle, and the ones that are like buy 4 get 9 free at the farmers market. Although, when you get a truly well made wax sensory device it’s kinda hard to set it on fire.

Native edge is the handmade in house brand of Church Boutique. If you haven’t been to Church yet, it’s the store on Santa Monica with more 1 of 1′s than the Smithsonian. Native Edge is on the higher end of high end. 14k gold and sterling silver hand made accents and detailing adorn custom lucite cases.

Giving a candle as a gift says, “I respect your taste is higher than mine, so I will not embarrass either of us with attempting to buy you clothes.” It also says, “you wanna know two things that burn for 150 hours? One of them is this candle…”

This heavyweight champion of the world candle. The only requirement to owning one is not being Lindsey Lohan. You can get them at Church Boutique, or find the exclusive style they made for Barneys.

If you want your bedside table game to be on the same level as your wardrobe put a handgun on it. If the government won’t let you own a firearm get a Native Edge scented candle. Shop the entire collection HERE.

Today I was invited to give the world a glimpse into the life of James Goldstein. If you are unfamiliar with Mr. Goldstein then prepare yourself for a lifestyle you couldn’t imagine even if the Sheik of Dubai started taking Tom Ford’s human growth hormones. If you are already a fan of Jimmy then there will be a few breaking news items in this post. Like 99% of this house, even the outdoor intercom is custom made. Nothing is store bought.

This music plays automatically in your head.

The vintage Rolls Royce that he still drives.

The turtle and koi pond. Apologies to other koi ponds that are reading this, a help line will be set up to defend against depression.

Coffee table books. When your coffee table is 15 square feet and made of poured concrete and stainless steel.

This is the architectual model of the Sheats Goldstein Residence. The smaller external unit is an art installation by artist James Turrell, best viewed at sunset.

Think of how long you have been cool. Now multiply that by 50 years. That is approximately how long James Goldstien has been defining what “super fucking cool” is.

He is the Ernest Shackleton of cool.

Puff Daddy once told me, “let’s see who gets to a billion first.” Standing in this house Puff I’m halfway there.

Fashion icon. King of L.A.

Yes this is Jackie Treehorn’s house in The Big Lebowski. I immediately regret not getting a photo of myself in the Dudes seat.

All the sky lights are automated. The house is built so you feel like you are outside.

Whatever you are good at, be so good every magazine wants to write about it.

These are production stills from an unreleased Nike Lebron ad. The world needs to see this ad, if you have access to it please post it on Your Tube.

That is a massive Ruscha. I asked if the intersection meant anything. “No, Edward J is a friend and it just goes with this house.”

The famous master bedroom. Equipped with fully automated glass walls.

This is as close as I could get. Pretty good for being deathly afraid of heights.

Ever see a custom Goyard hat box?

Ever see multiple Balmain custom jackets?

Form:100% glass sink mean no obstruction of perfect view.

Function: No drain pipe means waste water just flows out the exterior glass to water the plants.

The man is very famous for his hats. Lots of python, lots of exotics.

Yes of course those are windows into the pool. Which is usually filled with models.

Hidden automated hot tub.

View into the master bedroom from the hot tub.

Hidden throughout the 4 acre lot are manicured paths and concrete stairs. James is standing on a glass cantilever in his private jungle.

Large sculptures perfectly placed in the garden.

Labeled as “organic architecture” the house is barely visible from the front.

The larger entertainment complex is under construction on the same property. Dining facilities, office, nightclub, guest home, and tennis court.

This is the nightclub.

The bar.

The library and also VIP room. Probably the closest I’ll ever get.

Office desks.

A fitting desk for a man that owns the city. The construction has taken 7 years… no ETA on completion.

For now, Mr. Goldstein will continue to be the NBA’s number 1 fan. With season tickets to the Lakers and Clippers he attends over 100 games per year, usually court side. He isn’t hard to spot, he is the one that isn’t dressed like anyone else, and has the hottest model next to him. Jimmy has recently started posting on social media. Be sure to follow him to get the eccentricity from the source.

I’ve only lived here for 3 years, after hanging with Jimmy Goldstein it really feels like there is no higher pinnacle to reach for. I have been to the mountain top, and there is an infinity tennis court on the top.

Perhaps you have tried the hottest hipster food of 2009, Pho. Pho is so cheap and easy to make new franchises are popping up hourly. Since there are no  differences with cooking noodles in hot water, all the creativity relies in the name. Formerly named UnPHOgetable, PHOnomenal is a favorite of PHOrell Williams when he visits West Hollywood… which is often. Welcome to The Hundreds presents the top 26 PHO restaurants list.

Second runner up is 9021PHO in Beverly Hills. This places costs a PHOrtune. I can’t make a joke with Brian Austin Green… but can with his PHO number! (310) 497-9929. 

 I’m confident you won’t have any PHO-mo if you choose Absolutly PHObulous. This is La Cienega’s premier PHO destination.

Pho Real? This is the best you can do Pho Citi? Must be full of PHOty9ers fans.

Honorable Mention. Fōnuts. 

You just don’t get it, do you?

New install at the Fantasy Factory, 4 new offices for the constantly growing work force. The one with the light on belongs to Nino Scalia who invited Buscemi and I for a ultra double top secret meeting.

Buscemi is all about that straight cash homie.

If you’re gonna hit it like a girl, hit it like a big girl.

Mall grab is often confused with a very efficient way to carry a skateboard. Lap bands are also a highly efficient way to lose weight.

Brian Atlas says if you are gonna be good at one specific thing, don’t let it be wearing Uniqlo mini puffers… cuz he got that shit DIALED.

Oh Ghostface wrote on your hat too? Tell me more how much of a pre-UGOD solo album Wu-Tang fan you are. +12 style points for writing on a Gucci bucket.

Nino Scalia, formerly of Alien Workshop team manager fame, cut to Ice Cream skate team birthed, switch to Fly Society, swerve into Dyrdek Enterprises internal entertainment manager and global class A import exporter… of FUN!

Oh you mad? Jon Buscemi behaves in an unconventional manner.

Quick bruschetta lunch at the Larchmont deli. Larchmont being the busche league Robertson blvd. I’m so West Hollywood I don’t go past Crescent Heights.

If you are new here, just remember the links are the best part of this blog. I am way better at the internet than you and like to share via clever and offensive easter eggs.