Last Thursday night was the opening of the Damien Hirst Spot Painting exhibit, at every single Gagosian Gallery around the world. The rules with the spots are no two spots are every the same color. Spots are hand painted and space between the spots are equal. Once vowed Hirst would never make another spot painting to increase the existing works value, he un-vowed and made a few more. This is the Gagosian Gallery in Beverly Hills.  Fuck you.

These paintings are all on loan from their owners. It’s kind of like looking into a strangers house. A strange billionaire with no security, alarm, or furniture. What had me spinning was the “Hirst Spot Challenge“. Since no one I know can afford a Spot Painting, except maybe Rick Salomon or my drug dealer… The Gagosian and Damien have come up with a unique contest to get a unique Spot Print for FREE!!! Well, almost free… if you visit every single Gagosian location in the world (Beverly Hills, 3 in New York, 2 in London, Geneva, Athens, Rome, Paris, and Hong Kong) you will get one FREE! All you need is 2 million frequent flier miles, no need for food or sleep, oh.. and you gotta come up with the taxes required when you inherit something worth around 50 Large.

So I got infected with Damien Hirst fever… no not gonorrhea… this indescribably urge to use this challenge as an excuse to go around the world in like 8 days. First I read the rules out loud and waited for reactions. After the initial, “you’re gay” and “how did you get in here?!” A few of my colleagues started brainstorming on how we could affordably travel to 11 galleries internationally.

You can’t mail your card to different cities, you have to be there in person with government i.d.  We started thinking of all the stewardess’ we knew, or military people that can fly free. Then I thought to approach brands. Of course brands would want to be involved in the most sensational contemporary artist of all time. Calling several airlines, cashing in thousands of frequent flyer miles, selling my daughters kidney medication got the price down substantially.  You can fly around the world, on awful airlines, with a million layovers, in coach for about $4,000. Amex and Delta have an “around the world” deal you can do for about $6,000… but its all coach. I got $8,800 all first class… but where will I stay? Do you rent a car in Paris after taking the train from London? What if Steven Vogel maces me for some remark I made 6 years ago? Platinum American Express card holders have a deal where international flights, a companion flies free.  So I tour the globe with a buddy… sell one print to pay for the taxes and expenses… keep the other… but, it is unclear if the print will be worth anything at all. So am i going?

These prints are available right now online. Prices range from $3,500 to $7500. I could just grab one of these and call it a day. No, fuck that. It is an excuse to go around the world. The first time I went to NYC in 2003 was to visit the newly invented Daves Quality Meats. I drove to the train, trained to Boston, took the 4 hours Fung Wa bus to Chinatown NYC. Interviewed Daves for about 30 minutes and journeyed all the way home.  It got me a 5 page spread in Sneaker Freaker. So I feel this is kinda the same thing.

1 down. 10 to go.

Kinky cop.

UPDATE: This blog shows you clearly how to complete the Spot Challenge for $5,768 for 2 people.