Monthly Archives: January 2011

After eating an entire box of Soft Batch Chips A’Hoy in milk like it was cereal I passed out watching Coco Before Chanel.  I dreamed I was cranking a endless wheelie on a Yamaha Banshee like nobodies, when I ended up sliding down a rainbow into this pink prison cell. I was surrounded by these baby pictures.

The baby made fun of my clothes and told me I had horrible style. It told me my gravestone would have Papyrus font on it. It could see right through me, it knew I sold fake Rolex watches to Bryce Harrison senior year. Sometimes the baby’s hair would blow in the non existent wind and it seemed to play a song by Skrillex.

The baby seemed to grow up before my eyes. It called me a baby and names like “Tuff Tits“.  To which I responded “I’M NOT A BABY“. But there was no way I could prove it.

Suddenly, like your favorite song coming out of Pandora unexpectedly, the baby popped out of the photos and sat in front of me.  I remember feeling slightly pissed that I couldn’t possibly post this on my blog, and no one is going to believe this happened. So I sucked my thumb like a black teenager and listened to a story the baby tried to tell me.  But nothing came out because the dude still talked like a baby to all it said was “Dada” and “I’m sorry” but in a baby voice.

Then the man child stood up, threw on some Harey Carey glasses, and told me I could do whatever I wanted… Because it was my birthday.

If you have ever looked at your desk and seen it covered in vinyl toys and wondered “how the fuck did this happen?” Well, I figured it out.  It’s these guys.  The Loyal Subjects have been the behind the scenes fabricators for artists for eons.  Not eons, but as far as our generation is concerned longer than you have been collecting toys.

Joe Ledbetter’s Pico and Wilshire, sounds like a friendly comic… it’s also the corner I watched a homeless man bleed to death because he was so dirty the paramedics didn’t want to touch him.

By “fabricate anything” I meant anything, this is one of their latest productions. The Buff Monster ice cream cone, limited to 250 and tastes like that fat free shit when you leave it in the freezer too long.

This is their living portfolio, not everything they have done… but everything I was allowed to see.

You might be familiar with Sam Flores‘ character.. but have you ever seen the colorless sample? Oh, well then good for you, I hadn’t kike.

Some look books just come out better than others.

The ram came stock in the office, the Buff Monster toy is aftermarket.

Jonathan schooled me in art knowledge and LA’s shop before the shop scene. He also owns The Loyal Subjects.

Seen here behind some sneak peek Gary Baseman toys is Adam. Adam works as hard as he looks, pause. Adam is so huge, one time he spit on Jason Giambi and later that day Giambi tested positive for steroids.

Original Gay Baseman sketch. Did you know Baseman did all the OK Soda artwork?

The shutter is quicker than the clicking finger… more secrets coming soon.

Today, Saturday, I started my day by doing squats with my personal trainer at the Beverly Hills Sports Club, if that didn’t make you say “holy shit that’s the most exclusive gym in the world”, then you’re not on the level of person I would surround myself with anyway.  OK, so INSA is in town from the UK. We have been internet friends for some time, and I was too poor to go to the show in New York, so when I heard INSA was painting a giant mural on a strip club I had to cancel my spiritual adviser appointment and rush over.

Dan runs JetSet Graffiti, which among other things organizes the LA freewall project. Linking INSA up with this positive branding opportunity was his work.

INSA hates meeting other graf writers in person, because they never live up to how you imagine they would be in your imagination. Most graffiti writers are socially inept, which is why they invent a way cooler persona. I can’t tell you much about INSA except after this meeting… I don’t think I’ll meet any more artists.

I wonder what that it?

It didn’t say anything about using the rental as a picnic table in the agreement.

The Play Pen had it’s very own water, which is more of an attraction than what’s offered inside.

After each successful painting INSA has a celebratory dance routine he needs to perform.  INSA is very superstitious.

INSA’s fans came stumbling through as soon as word got out that the art was in the area.

It’s not just about asses and high heels.  There is a much deeper message about the objectification of women, consumerism, and using the color pink to uncomfortable levels. This is the first time the heels print has become available, INSA pulled a few out for the groupies that gathered.

Also, if you were one of those people that say “I saw that before” well you never saw this before GIF-Fiti as INSA  has called it is the sickest thing I have ever seen.  That’s not photoshop.  He literally paints the wall 4 or more times while hoping no one moves the fucking camera. Visit INSA’s site right now to see more of these insane creations.

So Corey is in Town shooting a reality TV show with Amber Rose.  Tonight He invited me out with Amber and her crew for a date. Oh, and they also wanted me to take some candid shots of the date… I looks down at my faded, smelly “what would Chad Muska do” bracelet and said, “when do we leave?”

We met at the Roosevelt Hotel and mounted some bulletproof SUV‘s and were off to Besos. Did you know there is a mirror in the lobby of the Roosevelt that you can see Marilyn Monroe’s ghost?

Oh, hello Rosa Acosta, what are you doing here?

Now I get it, Ambers date was with Rosa Acosta, now it makes perfect sense and ever star has now aligned. Did you hear that?  That is the sound of forty million fantasy’s coming true at the same time. Amber and Rosa also just shattered more dreams than prop 8!

You guys are awfully close… save some for the second date!

That’s exactly the way my girlfriend looks at me, at night, with sunglasses on…

What? Dinner is over already? You hardly ate… oh… I get it… It’s like when my parents needed to go talk about adult stuff and I was left with the Sears wishbook to circle what I wanted with an empty papermate pen.

We all imagined what that feels like… Rosa is living it out in real time. She told me afterward it felt exactly like a baby chinchilla made out of tarimisu.

Some of you might not think I know how to take a hint… This is me leaving. You will have to check Perez Hiton tomorrow to see how this turns out.

My camera told me it would not be of any use after this night, and committed cameracide. I mean seriously, this isn’t even fair to people that call themselves photographers.

This was the crowd waiting outside for their exit.

I love the dude that marched up and took a self shot.  I mean im not “in love” with him, but I respect his gangster as I watched him get into his ’91 Ford Mustang 5.0 with Carrot Tops likeless airbrushed on the hood and peeled out.

It was fun to play paparazzi for the night.

Goodnight Girls.

Why is this man smiling?

Well one reason could be that after three years of emails, skyping and phone calls we finally were in the same city and able to hang out. The other reason might be he is co-starring with Amber Rose in your new favorite show Behind Her Shades.

When Corey talks about sunglasses he just calls it “glass”.  Like how drug dealers call their product “work”, or copywriters call their product “copy”.  I think “copy” is a stupid word and I cringe when people use it. Did you know the word “email” can not be pluralized? Like if you have to send a bunch of emails you say “I have to send a shit ton of email.” Or, “I was watching porn for 10 minutes and I got 56 email.” Doesn’t that sound stupid?  Well it’s true.  Anyone that says the word “emails” is an uneducated moron.

Many believe that the famous oversized frames made popular by RUN DMC were Cazals.  Corey is very learned and he informed me that the Ultra Goliath was actually what they wore back in the 80′s.

So when Dr. Shapiro got the chance to work directly with Ultra to make his own reissue he chose the Goliath, painted it matte black and served suckers.

Corey travels light.  So he only insures his luggage for 1.4 million. Whenever I see MCM I always hear this South Park Mexican song in my head. Except he is in prison for life for raping his daughter… ouch… so that’s not that cool to sing around town.

What? Did you say you wish you could see the most complete vintage collection of Cazal? Here it is, one of them even smells like Amber Rose, ask me how I know?!

Some glass is too big, some are too small, but these thermonuclear protected Oakley Blades are just right.

Oh, you thought he was only hoarding sunglasses? Check out these new chains from Nous Sommes, which for the interest of this blog are only available at Collette. (Fact checking was correct up to posting of this blog, chain may be available in many other places since this was posted.)

What’s the hottest hard to find rich person souvenir? Vintage Chanel.  Corey just brought a few daily beaters.

If you wore all the sunglasses in the world at the same time you won’t be as cool as Corey Shapiro. Mostly because to wear all the sunglasses in the world you would have to ask Corey for 80% of them.

This Green Hornet after party is as dead as Seth Rogan’s acting.

Last night Mark opened up his latest hobby, the ILLEST store in Japan town.  I haven’t been around this many asian dudes since I was secretary of the Rufio fanclub. Bangarang Rufio!

Del the Funky Homosapien performed.  He did a ton of stuff before I owned a CD player.. but he is also an animated monkey in the band GORILLAZ.  Here is a photo of Tom Brandy wearing Uggs on a scooter.

Emily Shen took time away from her more famous than I’ll ever be boyfriend DJ Niel Armstrong. Here is a video of my friend Russel’s balls playing a scene from the movie Scarface.

Who let the dogs out?  Chris Hull.  As soon as I get a Ducati I’ll get to wear all the Alpinestars gear he hooks me up with. Authors note: My first Alpinestars boots had the old logo and I got them in ’94.  Eat that posers.

This store has tons of stuff you don’t even know about. Like these photos from Ghetto Myspace.

Even Yogi was there, he’s gonna be the new store manager. Which is worth more than this Ozzie Canseco UpperDeck rookie.

Hey Mark, I was gonna say you were the illest… then I saw this guys balls act out a scene from JAWS.

My ex-roomate and pharmaceutical adviser Jenn Klein invited me over to Dj Mugg’s studio in Burbank. California.

I’m probably an embarrassment or undeserving to a more enlightened music aficionado,  but I know enough to get by.  For instance I know that if it comes in a frame it means it is fancy, and if it is hanging in a restraunt it is probably for sale.  Seriously, you can ask the waiter how much.

I’d like to thank Mr. Muggs for making it possible for me to own such a complete music library by only owning 2 CD’s.  You know only rich kids had like every cd.  When you get a $25 gift certificate to Strawberries you have to be precise in how you spend it… just don’t go for the one with the cool artwork on the cover, (fuck you very much AZ and 311)

I’ve been carrying Last Action Hero jokes around with me for 16 years… just for this moment… and of course… I freeze up… blogfright.

Sure Muggs, i’d love something to eat… (ummm look away, pretend you didn’t see it… really strange snack for the leader of the Soul Assassins to have around, maybe it’s just the taste, I’ll just have one so it’s not awkward…) Thanks… what does mine say? “when two hearts race… they both win”

No Jenn, seriously… how did you get a brand new Rolex with diamond markers and rose gold band?

It’s like god left a note on this drawing.

Preview of the upcoming season of Soul Assassins line.

Like all real DJ’s, Muggs carries an airhorn with him 24-7. Oh you thought it was just for reggaeton?! What’s next… a TRAINHORN?

Ern Dog shouted “take a fucking dope picture of me” no fakin’, that’s exactly what happened.

What did we learn? Tilda Swinton is married and has a boyfriend. Hitler Can be Funny. Some Supermax‘s arn’t that fun.