Monthly Archives: October 2010

So last night couldn’t have aligned more perfectly. I’ve been in so much therapy and life coaching I haven’t been able to bring myself to do anything besides eat at M Cafe or feel sorry for myself and complain. There was a listening party last night for… well I’ll just do the lazy writing thing and show the photo.

In a “boy am I glad I called that guy moment” Max from Interscope records was like your on the list.  So I emailed it to all my friends with no intention of going myself. Then today he emails me and is like “are you still going?” I was like “sure”. So he responds, “you have the table next to the band.”

So I asked everyone I invited and they never did the whole conformation email part of the deal.  Except Bernardo.  His follow through is like the late Payne Stewart so he was there and brought Kirk as a witness. I’m really only doing this post because Corgi has had tickets to like 9 concerts this month at the El Ray which is so close to my house our mail gets confused. Corgi doesn’t even think to call and be like “I’m next to your house”, who does that? It’s a big deal for him to even ride in a car.  So they give us a table next to Pharrell’s table.  I was to much of a baby to talk to Pharrell.  I get too emotional when I think about that hidden track on the last album.  Did the baby drown?  Or did the mother drown?  I don’t get it… great… now I’m crying.

When you are Lindsay Luv and you DJ the N.E.R.D. listening party your career skyrockets.  Hey Roxy and Dj Elle, meet your West coast competition. (authors note: I’m better than this. All I did was act super cool and take some bad shots as I walked out. Piss Poor.)

I never knew what Shay’s role in the band was. The wikipedia says when they met in highschool he could dance good. But you know how they make those dolphin safe nets for tuna. So when you catch all the tuna the dolphin can swim out? That’s what Shay’s role in the band is.  When all the hot girls swim in and the chubby white girls get caught.  Shay collects all the chubby white girls and puts them in his hotel room. Sidenote: I hate those gold Michael Kors watches. I get excited like , damn girl you’re… oh.. you’re poor, I’m sorry.

The highlight of the evening was the rumor that Daft Punk was there.  People thought we were them.  Because no one actually knows what the brilliant French techno DJ’s look like. So Bernardo worked on his French accent and Kirk looks pale and weird anyway so why not. These guys were the ones that said “Are you Daft Punk?”

Does anyone have the figures on how many people fall in that pool anually?

At least someone had a good time. Kirk doesn’t like being put on front street so I will not mention anything about him being a co-owner of And Still.

By now everyone has seen the Social Network movie. You saw the awesomest waspy characters the Winklevoss twins, who are going to receive a hell of a lot more that 65 Million (more like 650mil). Anyway as I’m watching it my girlfriend says in a loud whisper “Those twins are played by the same person.” Which I think is common knowledge now  but at the time was semi shocking. As the movie played out she kept saying “I know him from somewhere.. where do I know him from…?” Which didn’t surprise me because she has 1 degree of separation from everyone in Hollywood. So then the credits come and she screams “ARMIE HAMMER!” Which leads me to this tale that I would like to share with you. She had this photo just sitting in her iPhoto.

Besides being the winner of the most bad ass name of all time contest. Armie is the grandson of the late Armand Hammer.  Armand was worth about 200 million at the time of his death in 1990.  Unfortunately he was not the inventor of baking soda, that would have made this story way more interesting. He was claimed to have been named after it. He did however amass a massive art collection which is on display at the Hammer galleries. Anyway, young Armie is set to inherit more than a Hilton sister and he will actually be a A list movie star in the coming year.

This months issue of Elle magazine is the heaviest yet!  Pali House is my new favorite hotel.

Sneaker Pimps came through.  Props to Peter for being the only person that did not sell these!

Why don’t more hipsters play the harp?

Bruce Knoll. A transplant from Oregon, about to be planted back.

This is exactly what Sheryl Crow was singing about.

This is real. I can’t say anything funny.  Except they were lovers and resembled their M&M persona’s.

If you are in a room with a bunch of strangers, like on a elavator, or in line at CVS getting your Valtrax prescription. Do you ever imagine that some catastrophe (avalanche, nuclear bomb) will occur causing you to be sealed in that space with those people for 20 years or eternity?  So you first think, “ok, first I’ll hoard all the food in a corner and make a knife out of the long metal bar in the mop bucket.  Then I will form an alliance with the strongest people. I will probably have to kill someone just to display my dominance over the CVS tribe, I’ll pick the oldest person, they won’t last long anyway and it would be a waste of food and air.  Ill put some people to work making clothes out of candy wrappers. Then I start to think, wow these are some of the ugliest people to be trapped in a CVS for eternity with, who am I going to have sex with?  What if re-population of the planet falls on me procreating with one of these mongoloids. What if we starting dating in the CVS and it’s fun at first but then the honeymoon is over and we want to see other people but we are trapped in a CVS, and every day you have to see her with the Allen the cashier, and everyone knows the cashier cuz he has a name tag and a key to the lockers in the back where I know he stashed a bunch of chex mix.”  Anyway, this is a photo of my Starbucks cup in a pagoda.

Poker is so 2002.

Lots of people say “Rob, how did you get so fucking rich?” Well it was a lot of luck and good behavior, and a few internet jokes.  Let’s go back to last December 19th 2009.  I was doing what I usually do at TBWA/Chiat/Day (this) and There is this joke my favorite little Brit used to say: “You say Bacon like a Jamaican says Beercan.” So I would run around saying “Baaacun”.  Then it hit me.  Personify this joke into an interactive experience. I called my trusty genius art director savant Stephen and in an hour (with one reeses break) Baconorbeercan.com was born. We recorded my voice, stole the flash buttons from Sagmeister, and the shit was live.

I posted it to my Twitter and my Facebook.  Then sent it to a few key bloggers. I was happy with about 20,000 hits before Christmas. Then like January 2nd Demi Moore tweeted it and Diplo. Boom.  I haven’t done a full forensic analysis to see the entire conversation, but I saw it on Tosh.0, and it was the #1 digg on Digg.com one day… I have the screenshot somewhere… whatever. It got over a million unique views in the first week of January, then some kid that I stole the image from tried to sue.  It wasn’t some kid it was THIS kid. We changed the image to Jaynata and traffic dropped.  I lost interest and started taking steroids.

A few weeks ago a friend at Saatchi instant messaged me and said, “Hey I think I have the next Bacon or Beercan!” So I called Stephen Giem and said “we are getting the band back together, I got a hit single.”

Stephen started up his death machine and after stealing another perfect image, and laying down the vocals, Herpes or Hairpiece was born. Everyone claims they can create a “viral” video, which is not possible to predict. Anyone can do it you just have to do it and not care what anyone thinks. Now my girlfriend can tell her mother “I’m sleeping with the Herpes Hairpiece guy.” We chose Yasser Arafat because he looks like Admiral Akbar (and Ben in 20 years). Wait till you see the next addition to the two words that sound similar in different accents joke. It’s gonna be dirty.

Bottle or Butthole in an annoying English accent?!