Monthly Archives: June 2010

After becoming mayor of the Melrose Strip Auto detailing place I ran into the office to alert the workers of my new status, and as soon as I entered there was a Birkin Bag staring me in the face. Little background; I have nominated myself as the official Birkin Bag census taker in L.A. I stop people and ask them where, when, how, is it real, can I get a picture… I’ve only found 5 real ones to date… but that still adds up to over 100g’s.

Is this one real? I’m not going to tell, but you need at least $1,200 and a trip to Taiwan to find out. Stayed tuned for more Birkin Bag updates.

Former URB magazine editor Brandon Perkins met me at Kitchen 24 to talk about his latest projects. Besides writing bio’s for rappers he has written a book, a novel, and digital experience. He also says this Dipset techno song will be the song of the summer; DOWNLOAD.

Please Use Rear Exit is about a group of friends trying to get wasted,  forget their girlfriends, get laid, all while taking the bus around LA with all kinds of post apocalyptic shit happening all around them, but none of it matters, all that’s important is their friendship, and finding girls.

The story and interactive website also contains every joke, meme, animated gif, sound, or pop culture reference that has ever happened on the internet.  As it happens… so when “don’t taze me bro” took off, Brandon can put that in chapter 3.  David goes to the dentist becomes the main characters childhood.  None of those things may have happened cuz I didn’t read it, but one of the benefits of a digital novel is he can update it instantly.  Act like you have something better to do than check out http://www.pleaseuserearexit.net. C’mon Bus.

Something about L.A. you quickly realize is how fucking massive it is. There is other stuff you notice too, like parking spaces are like fresh water in water world, or air in spaceballs.

I discovered the only person in the world that has not heard of Beats By Dre!

Texting while driving is an issue (Jenn Klein was a passenger when I rear ended some non-texter). But texting while flying seems to work out just fine!

Manhatten Beach looks like a fun place.

The pilot said he had to fly low by LAX so he wouldn’t crash into any planes.  That was thoughtful of him.

That is the most expensive house in our country. Asking price $150,000,000. Or, you could take Tori Spelling to the prom… but that seems like a worse deal.

That’s the Playboy mansion in the middle.. the one with the big red trampoline. Imagine the Barbi Twins used to be there… about 20 years ago, probably before that trampoline was there.

David and Victoria Beckham are building a small mountain to put their castle on.

Everyone loves the W and they do have ample helicopter parking.

The Staples center… you know what just happened there?  The L.A. Sparks took on the Tulsa Shock in one of the biggest rivalries in the WNBA.

72 and Sunny is a very hot agency right now. Located on the edge of Culver City they are pumping out a lot of the more interesting Facebook apps and experiences… many are for Carls Jr!

This night the agency opened it doors to the public to showcase advertising god slash self proclaimed “fake artist”, Jim Riswold.

Named one of Newsweeks 50 most influential people of all time, Riz is the person that put Mars with Jordan, knew what Bo Knows, Aggassi, Barkley, if you saw a Nike commercial ever… Riswold made it up. But he didn’t stop there.  He has been fired by David Bowie, had something to do with the movie Fight Club, and welcomed Leukemia into his body just to fuck with it long enough to almost kill him, but then remembered he had lots more people to make miserable and he rid his body of cancer.

This one is called “Kim Jong Il Is A Big Sucker”

Former editor of Mass Appeal magazine, and my capitol BFF Maclean Jackson just started here as a copywriter. We like to say jokes like “lets go pick up runaways at the bus stop, and smash van windows with our skateboards on Burnside ave after the bars close.”… yeah.. jokes.

Dog bowls for bad dogs.

I worked with Armando at Chiat/Day which was awesome… until someone went to HR because they felt “offended” or “threatened”.

Even Eugene Jefferson made it out! After months of waiting Survivor finally called, and said he will not be voted onto the island. Back to the Venice Beach public showers! (True Story)

This is the closest thing I have to a Tattoo.  Riz made fun of all the contemporary high art artist, this being Damien Hirst diamond encrusted skull.  Only his version is covered in Jimmys. (fuck you that’s what I call them.)

Kelly Schoeffel is a celebrated planner in the advertising world. She also has a cameo in the Whoomp There It Is video.

John Kritch is my insanely talented art director over at Saatchi & Saatchi. His dramatically blinking girl Jaclyn is at 72.  Have you picked up on the pattern that this is full of Ad people?

Heppler in your place.  Behind the scenes at 72 and Sunny.

Another Ad rockstar, Jayanta Jenkins… when not making epic Gatorade spots you can find him DJing in and around Santa Monica. Lot’s of people Like Jayanta.  I used to be one of them.

Ummm Travis… Louis Vuitton is not playing in the championship… never mind.. do your thing.

Anyway, thanks Jim for showing me an industry where I can show up at noon, drink martini’s and get your work seen by every eye glued to a TV or monitor, oh, and get paid a fuck load to do it. I have never had a mentor, after asking Jim I discovered I never will.

Had a chance to go to New Orleans for the weekend. I had never been there before so I figured, why not?

First thing you notice is how unbearably hot it is. You even sweat when it’s raining. The next thing you notice is all the fire marks still on the buildings from Katrina. This one says it was checked on 9/13 and there were 0 dead inside.

The French Quarter is like ghetto Vegas.  Everyone is hammered drunk, there is a giant Harrah’s casino, and all the food will cover your hands and mouth with zits. Street performers everywhere, these kids where the most unique. They cut the tops off aluminum cans and created this new style tap dancing. I gave them $3.

Then the cops made them leave.

I had originally planned on visiting the oil spill on Grand Isle. After investigating the options and asking others who took the 2 hour drive we discovered there was no way at getting near the oil, not even renting a plane or a boat. We were told we would be arrested if we stepped on the beach.  Another reason the locals are pissed at BP is that the BP workers brought their own trailers to stay in. The economy survives off tourism and the hotels are all empty.  So we went to the 9th Ward instead.

It has been 5 years and the area is still completely devastated.

This fire mark reads “missing 1″.

There are people that are rebuilding. But entire communities are missing.  No teachers and no students. Brad Pitt built a bunch of eco-homes.  These are not them.

This is Bobby Brown, I asked him if he could recommend any particular spots we should check out, or if he knew where the Banksy graffiti was. He had never heard of Banksy but said the Fi Yi Yi Chief lived next door and he knew everything about the Lower 9th.

Victor Harris is Chief Fi Yi Yi of the Mardi Gras Indians.  He is the spirit of Mardi Gras and was the spokesperson for the area after Katrina.  He was also the first to move back.  He has met every President since Reagan and makes these costumes every year by hand.

Opening an umbrella indoors is usually bad luck, The Chief didn’t seem to give a fuck, what else could happen….

Victor let strangers into his home and told the most amazing stories of perseverance. There were tears.  He is the only house on Florida street and 5 years later it is still being built. The next day we hooked him up with Drew Brees and you should be able to see it on Facebook soon.

We said goodbye to Bobby Brown. If your in the Upper 9th Ward, he will be the guy building furniture in the yard of an abandoned house. Sometimes dogs piss on the stuff he makes.

Upon leaving I spotted this Banksy that was painted over by the locals. They don’t know or care who he is, they just felt he was making fun of them.  Not like that herb in NY that videos himself going over them. That dude hasn’t had an original idea in his life.

Found this one downtown. Its on an abandoned building if you want to steal it.