It appears every mans dream does exist in a single brand. Hoorsenbuhs (pronounced Whores-n-Booze) Is as L.A. born and raised as you can get. Until they can bottle up health, happiness and love you will have to settle for handmade opulent jewelry.

That is their current catalog on top of a non-carry on size suitcase.

The brands DNA seems to be spilling out.

Things seen inside the Hoorsenbuhs studio.

Robert Keith is the owner/operator. It’s good to know that guys like this still exist.

As if this place wasn’t cool enough, resident pro skater Chris Roberts can be found here.

Vintage silver wallet chain.

Robert Keith still supports his friends.

Might need a size up, finger turning purple.

You can only customize the skylight when you own the building.

Battle station, showing us obscure youtube videos with under 5k views. Early grabs.

Not lunch boxes, fuel tanks for men.

All this, and a cheddar hot dog. You probably won’t find this brand at any of the stores you frequent. If you find yourself at Just One Eye you will see the entire line.

Newest successor to the smart phone throne is the Samsung Galaxy S4. Which means I get one delivered directly to me, data transferred, and crash tutorial on all the new features. It’s called being a member of the Whiteglove Program, and it is awesome. Better than being Dickie Eklund’s ex-girlfriend.

Samsung is Sea Biscuit-ing the game with every new product. Clockwise from James Perse pencil: is my old but still superior to your phone S3, the S4, Note2, another S4, and the Galaxy Camera which has wifi built in. Which means you can instagram from the camera.

The new features just make you look like a magician, lot’s of gestures and intuitive things I ain’t even drove yet.

One thing I cannot stop using is both cameras at the same time. Take a pic while simultaneously taking a pic of your pic taking face!

Movies are deemed good when the audience can relate to them and feel the same as the character. That’s why most movies are fluffy remakes of Steve Martin or Julia Roberts movies cuz thats what you civilians can swallow. I’m not going to say the Place Beyond the Pines is just like me. Yes I can ride a dirt bike better than you poser Hells Angel fanboys. Yes other people are raising my kids. Yes I have done more time than any of you AA herbs but that isn’t what connects me to this movie. There is a news report in the film about Gosling’s character’s crimes. I recognized the voice. It was Jessica Layton, the same newsperson that reported on the shooting of my loyal friend Jeff Paris. Don’t believe me just watch.

So I contacted her to tell her I recognized her voice and to congratulate her on her new success. I’m happy we are both far from Pittsfield Mass. For those of you that remember that shooting it was the 60th most watched video on YouTube, my car was impounded as well as my camera. Jeff survived from 3 9mm bullets making 11 holes in his body.

Currently on display at the MOCA galleries is the retrospective and massive clay installation of Urs Fischer. A self described “Anti-Artist” most of his work is big and as satisfying as my jokes.

Welcome to clay angeles.

Let them eat CLAY!

There’s more clay here than Gumbys’ wet dreams!

You weren’t getting up with me in the MOCA!

You might take his job… but you can never take his legacy.

Can’t take him nowhere!

You’ve got paint in your hair.

Salcious Crumb and Jabba were a highlight.

Made from wax these larger than life candles are always burning. Giving every museum guest a truly unique view. Also a big fuck you to the art community cuz how you gonna sell a pile of melted wax?

Replica model of an office chair, also a melting wax pile.

Urs Fischer had randoms come in and just make whatever they wanted out of clay. Because whatever he says is art…. is art.
Awesome 2D photos printed on walls to recreate some guys studio.

You have seen all the pics on instagram and other blogs, but here is the retrospective of all his best work.

I call this one “self to death”

When you figure out how this one actually works… mind blown.

Art monster Laurence Chandler victimized by Urs Fischer making it rain.

Just spent 5 days in Tulum. If you leave the resort for some over the counter steroids there are surprises waiting for you. Like this hectic sculpture in Playa Del Carmen center. Ernest Hemingway spent his successful life drinking and fishing in the Caribbean. So that’s what I’m gonna do, and avoid persecution from the blogger assassins.

Or these pick pocketing monkeys. Mexico also sells switchblades, which should be in every tough guy’s essentials.

These crazy Mayan’s started at the bottom…

…Now they are there.

Shout out to Carlos from Hall of Fame.

Bonito are in the tuna family. These were very fun to catch. One started puking up tiny minnows when brought on board. As my best instagram commenter pointed out “this is meta fishing”… so deep….

Then I caught a fucking MARLIN. If I did all this just last weekend, what am I gonna do when I retire?

What do you do when you have Australia’s current top model and a camera? If you are Van Styles you make a photo exhibition. If you are me, you take her to Runyon Canyon and try to make sarcastic captions. Here Montana Cox is sad because she doesn’t have todays equivalent of a Abercrombie model only a little shorter and wearing slippers to share her hike with.

Looks like that eyelash wish came true. Hey there fancy lady, do you want to stand in front of some overgrown agave plants with my RETNA scarf?

Josh’s male nic nak accessories are almost as funny as his tattoo collection. Josh is also from my couch Australia.

You were right, standing in front of these plants is wicked fun!

Montana those are real cactus plants don’t….

I told you not to touch them. If you were wearing these slippers on your hands that wouldn’t have happened.

Mara and Mine skeleton slippers now available for men.

What I learned from my first fashion shoot. A model will move every time she hears the camera click. And never take yourself seriously.

Then Kathy Griffen arrived.

Look who it is… everyone’s favorite foreclosed home buyer Dion! WHen he is in town he expects nothing short of a 48 hour party. No matter what the costs. Once Dion is off the clock he can’t spend his profits fast enough. For instance there was a line for the bull at Saddle Ranch. Dion, realizing that time is money attempts to pay off the mechanical bull operator.

He gave the operator $50, the doorman guy working the line $50 and the lady who was next in line $20. If you don’t believe me ask Millhouse from LRG, he was there.

Money well spent.

West Hollywood-fashion-museum-slash-boutique, Church, held a launch event to showcase all its new artists. If you’ve never been to this warehouse of one-off creations, I recommend you adjust your seating arrangement in life. One visit to Church Boutique could result in a rapid upgrade.

My brilliant best friend Jim Darling doesn’t burn bridges, he builds them. You need to see this sculpture in person. There are more details overlooked than the members of Casey Anthony’s jury!

The grass isn’t always greener… sometimes it’s just an overly friendly drunk Texan.

You will have to ask store owner Rodney Burns the name of this artist. For now I’ll just call him or her the best new artist of 2013.

It may look like a photo, but these eyes are painted. The humans are just there to show scale.

Mr. Fairweather painted the eyes.  His son, Seth Fairweather, is also an incredible artist with work on display at Church.

Extra credit Andy Warhol portraits.

Two weeks ago called… they want their Coachella pics back. The last day of the festival during the first weekend had the first real surprise guest. A vicious sandstorm from Saudi Arabia. It was cool at first because everyone wore their tee shirt like a mask. Then when tiny dust particles entered every crevice of your life, destroying cameras, vision, and brownie sundaes.

I waited all weekend for a song I actually knew, and when Wu-Tang appeared half the speakers didn’t work. The RZA yelled out “can y’all hear us in the back?” To which I one chubby white guy retorted “NO!” and no changes were made.

Pedro: “Hey Allen, you think we should both wear our pink ski masks today?”
Allen: “We didn’t buy them at Opening Ceremony for nothing?!”

The Red Hot Chili Peppers were the headliners with plenty of rumors. Notice the palm trees blowing in the wind. The sand was blasting in your face at this point. I tried to think of something I liked enough in this world to withstand this torture and I couldn’t come up with a single thing. So amid rumors of Daft Punk or the Rolling stones appearing I left.

The spotlights are highlighting the sand in the air. The lights are also directing the drones where to bomb.

We had the two most popular blogs on Hypebeast from 2005-2007. I had a seriously offensive blog on his site Black Lodges from 2007-2009. He ran one of the biggest international trade shows of all time. We have all the same friends and enemies. Yet this is the first time we have ever met face to face. Steven Vogel, death metal nerd first, streetwear-branding-consulting-luminary second.

For the next 10 weeks, the Black Lodges headquarters will be run out of this house. Which of course is owned by Dave Kinsey.

Vogel literally wrote the book on Streetwear. For almost 4 hours, I was floored hearing the true Hollywood stories and backstage secrets behind every brand and cultural icon.

Kinsey’s house is filled with crazy art. Maybe when you grow up and have real friends, he will let you rent it as well.

Steven came prepared to blanket the city with propaganda. If you run into him, buy him a beer and ask him for a fucking sticker.