
I am not a sports fan. But I am a white American boy which means my DNA includes all aspect of sports knowledge. More than half is dedicated to Red Sox history. The other half is obscure players names I memorized from my extensive baseball card collection. One player that paralleled my childhood was Gary Carter. “The Kid” was his nick-name, fittingly. It seemed every pack of Donruss, Fleer, Topps, Upperdeck, Sportlflicks, Score, Bowman, and the dreaded Oh-Pee-Chee always contained a smiling blue and orange catcher. No matter how many places I moved, schools I changed, or friends I made, Gary Carter was always smiling back at me from Shea Stadium somewhere in Queens New York.

Gary and I parted ways some time in Junior High. He may have had a cameo in a game of stickball in some run down park in East Boston when anyone one playing catcher was automatically Gary Carter. Or if I met someone with the last name Carter I would immidiatley sarcastically ask, “Any relation to THE Gary Carter?”. But soon Gary disappeared from my life completely.

Until January of 2010. When brainstorming about creating a parody sports twitter account I was thinking of which ’80s Baseball star to ghost write hilarious, offensive, inappropriate insights into other forgotten, obscure professional athletes. On this day Gary Carter Raw was born. Gary was chosen because he was the most unassuming character. He won the World Series with Darryl Strawberry, Ron Darling, Bob Ojeda, and the 3 run homer by Howard Johnson. I imagined Gary on the Met’s plane with everyone celebrating telling Darryl Strawberry, “Hey Straw, let’s chill out on the drugs, she has had enough…” or just keeping order to a team of wild-boys that just won the World Series. The fake Twitter account wasn’t intended for anything other than a place to store our jokes. Gary wasn’t picked for any other reason than he was a nice guy. You will not find any negative incidents surrounding this hall of famers name. One important piece of the formula was Gary’s accomplishments occurred before the internet was invented. When I started the account there was maybe 3 articles connected to Gary Carter. After The Thrillist feature on Gary Carter Raw (GCR) it got over 2000 followers in one night. This created new interest of writing the most offensive sports snaps to the growing audience. Around the same time Maclean Jackson joined the crew, any joke you actually laugh at, or contains more than one layer of thinking, was definitely written by Mac.
Since Gary is not on Twitter and there wasn’t much news about him in the last 20 years, our toilet humor joke account was really Gary’s only internet presence. Until an article last spring alerting the world that “The Kid” had a possibly cancerous brain tumor. His fans scrambled to the web to reminisce on their favorite Carter moments, plays, photos, quotes… and what did they find? Gary Carter Raw. Mac and I never intended to tarnish the legends legacy in any way. This guy hit 324 home runs in his career, without steroids… He is a really, really good guy. (Not in the generic, nothing-better-to-say way, in the cool-dad-you-drink-beer-with way). He played with one of the biggest group of major league slimeballs ever, of all time. What have you ever done in your life? Daryl Strawberry would not respect you. Doc Gooden would run your bitch ass off the field. Keith Hernandez would piss and diarrhea and spray paint “faggot” in your locker. And you wouldn’t do shit. Gary Carter won a World Series. Twitter threatened to delete the account because of complaints, so we changed it to Gary UnCarter. Yesterday Gary’s daughter wrote about her fathers condition on her website. To the Carter family we would like to extend our deepest condolences, and sincere apology if we have cause any grief from our immature behavior. If it means anything we have decided to retire the GCR account just as Gary’s jersey is being retired.
Number 8 means alot of things to a lot of people. I just hope I get a chance to meet him, before he disappears again.





































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