Subject: Noodle Love

Hello, it is I, Nood Leon, with a romantic query for you, Miss Ask Yasi.
Please do tell me, what do you think of this as a most perfect first date: A wrought iron table and chairs tucked cozily into a beautiful garden veranda (think lush greenery, such as ivy and spanish moss). One hundred white candles (french vanilla scent). Soft music from a trio of violinists (perhaps Vivaldis “Le quattro stagioni”?) and giant bouquet of white gardenias beside the lady’s chair. And the clincher: a five course meal, with wine accompaniment. First course, Antipasto Ramen Salad (Top Ramen, black olives, various Italian meats) with a glass of pinot noir. Second course, Seafood Cup Noodles with a glass of chardonnay. Third Course, Ramen Noodle Alfredo with a glass of shiraz. Fourth course, Chocolate Ramen Fondue with a glass of sherry. Fifth course, ME!!! (Also there is a potential intermission between the third and fourth courses in which I put on my boombox and do a dance for the lucky lady. I have attached a video of my moves for your perusal.)

Does that sound like an idyllic evening or what? And would you like to join me for it?

love and noodles,

NOOD LEON

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Leon,

Wow. Clearly you have put some thought into this, and while I applaud your attention to detail, I have to respectfully decline. And not just because I found the above video so disturbing I couldn’t eat for three hours after watching. (Your Twitter is pretty funny though). Aside from the fact that I, am in fact, gluten intolerant and thus could not partake in any of your Top Ramen/Cup Noodle culinary delights, I have a few other issues with your “perfect date.” As a general rule, I don’t find the typical notion of “romance” appealing. Candlelight and soft music smack of contrived drivel, and the scent of french vanilla kind of grosses me out. This is not to say that I am the kind of girl who thrives off of being mistreated by men (although it’s not to say that I’m not, either). I watch rom coms. I know the Truth about Cats and Dogs. I know what the contents of The Notebook are. I own 27 Dresses. I know what love is.

All I’m saying is that in my world, a perfect date is dinner at a cozy diner or a delicious Mexican restaurant, followed by drinks at a dive bar where the DJ plays a mix of Poison, Prince, and Morrissey en espanol. In fact the guy that whisks me off to Red Lobster on the first date probably holds the key to my cold, dark, seafood loving heart (especially if he lets me order french fries AND mashed potatoes). So, while I am sort of intrigued, I have to respectfully decline. Your eyebrows are kind of hot though.

xx,
Yasi

E-mail Yasi your question at AskYasi@thehundreds.com. There is absolutely no guarantee she will answer your question, but at least you can tell your friends you talked to a girl.