yay.

And I’ve got no right to take my place with the human race.

Since I once again have no decent questions to answer (except for you Thomas McCloud, I’ll get to you shortly) I figure it’s a perfect day for a diatribe.

Let’s discuss Twitter. Never one to shirk technology (maybe I had a Palm Pilot) I joined because Aviva invited me. I held off for a few months trying to figure out what the hell it was but I failed miserably so I signed up anyway. Hey creators of Twitter, did you invent this to make me sort of despise 80% of my friends? So that any shred of mystery surrounding celebrities is removed and replaced with their idiotic or boring or flat out fucking crazy ramblings (I’m talking to you @courtneylover79)? So that I spend my day riddled with anxiety because this evil application keeps demanding to know what I am doing? Guess what! I’m not doing anything remotely interesting. Guess what! That you think the fact that you had a delicious pesto sandwich on foccaccia bread for lunch is interesting makes me HATE you. Guess what else! I don’t care about your daily twittascope and I seriously doubt anyone else does.

It’s not all bad I guess. There are some funny, clever, interesting Twits (Tweets? Twats? Whatever) out there but they are drowned out by a sea of unnecessarily public conversations (why don’t you @everyfamouspersonyouknow because it makes you look SUPER COOL), inappropriately emotional declarations (you’re sad? maybe making yourself look pathetic to an audience will help!), and banal real-time updates of TV watching/location changes/partying. And even worse than seeing it once is people RETWEETING all of it until your eyes are bleeding from the spiraling quicksand flesh eating virus that is Twitter.

That being said, I’m still on it because apparently I’m a hypocritical stuck-up bitch. And because even though I never used to like him, @Real_Ron_Artest is kind of fucking hilarious.

The end.

xx
@yasfx

Captured.

ALIFE PRESENTS
THE WEST COAST PREMIERE OF
CAPTURED
CLAYTON PATTERSON & 30 YEARS OF NYC’S LOWER EAST SIDE

A FILM BY BEN SOLOMON, DAN LEVIN, AND JENNER FURST
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER, MARC LEVIN

JULY 9, 2009 – 8PM

SPACE 15 TWENTY
1520 N. CAHUENGA BLVD SUITE 2
LOS ANGELES, CA 90028

But before I began, I was bored before I even began.

No Subject

Dear Yasi,

I was on some sites and I came across an Oscar Wilde quote.
“it is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating”. Would you agree?

love your posts btw. your fucking awesome/hilarious
M
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
M,

The full quotation is actually “Unless one is wealthy there is no use in being a charming fellow. Romance is the privilege of the rich, not the profession of the unemployed. The poor should be practical and prosaic. It is better to have a permanent income than to be fascinating.” It’s from a short story called “The Model Millionaire.” It’s not great but takes about 15 min to read so might be worth the time.

Anyway, this is a difficult question for me to answer since I neither have a permanent income nor am I fascinating. (I do, however, like to think I am still a little romantic). My father would choose the former, and so probably would most of my classmates. As for me, the word “permanent” makes me uncomfortable but I do suppose we all need an income, so I guess I’m hoping for a fascinating income. (I’m not entirely sure that this is a real thing, and more likely than not I shall take my MBA, in all its glory, and work for some multi-billion dollar corporation that is profiting off the dissolution of humanity. Hurray).

xx,
Yasi

E-mail Yasi your question at AskYasi@thehundreds.com. There is absolutely no guarantee she will answer your question, but at least you can tell your friends you talked to a girl.

I’ve been a miner for a heart of gold.

Subject: This week an email with a question(s)

Dear Yasi,

I have been reading you for about a year now and I have been burning to ask you a question that has taken over my life. To be frank, I am
in love with my best friend. We have been just friends and seeing each
other every day for the past year. There are more than enough clues
that she wants to be more than friends, but circumstances that keep us
from sharing these feelings. We are two best friends afraid to tell
each other for fear of ruining the friendship. Is this all hopeless
and i need to drop it? or would it be foolish to but conventionality
before love? I have tried (successfully) to get over her in the past
and it works for a bit, then I’m drawn back in even deeper. I am 22
male in SF with no problem finding girls who like me. When the time
comes, I can’t even have sex with anyone EMBARRASSING. Truth is, I’m
100% in love and I know she has feelings too but I’m scared.. if our
friendship became awkward I would hate that more than anything, but if
we could just be true I would love that more than anything…. I can
never tell her………. damn I wish I wasn’t such a pussy.

You are very wise, kitten, so please tell me what you think about the
situation.

Peas,
Kellen
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Kitten,

If this were a rom com, your best friend would be blonde and bouncy and beautiful and you would be slightly dorky but intelligent and funny (perhaps accident prone, maybe a bit scrawny) and she would have an asshole boyfriend (jock, possibly Republican, definitely good jawline). You would be her shoulder to cry on, etc etc and one day (hopefully whilst it is raining and you are both outside) she would look up at you and realize (cue John Mayer/David Gray/The Fray) that she is, in fact, deeply in love with YOU. However, despite the collective longing of an entire population of middle aged women (and myself), life is not a romantic comedy.

The point of this diatribe (besides providing a useful segue into me listing my top 10 rom coms) is that you are not, in fact, guaranteed a happy ending. No one (not even Hugh Grant) is. But you should still tell her anyway. Why? Because cowards die many times before their death, and because the course of true love never did run smooth, and because something is rotten in the state of Denmark. Ok, maybe not that last bit. The Bard aside, you should tell her because even if you’re frightened and vulnerable and a little bit nauseous, it is better to be the one who is honest, the one who says the things he needs to say, the one who is not silent. No matter what happens, there is some measure of nobility, some bit of humanity in that.

xx,
Yasi

E-mail Yasi your question at AskYasi@thehundreds.com. There is absolutely no guarantee she will answer your question, but at least you can tell your friends you talked to a girl.