No (Part 2).

Subject: Clothing

Hey Yasi,

My name rob and i live in D.C. and have just recently been influenced to the godly accouterments that is The Hundreds Clothing. I was looking online and found that you have a shirt that has the lost boys from peter pan on it and was wondering if you knew when they would be back in stock…if you could please get back to me and just let me know when and if ever they’ll be available i would greatly appreciate it.

Thanks,

DC Rob

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Rob,

Oh dude I can totally help you out with that. There’s a little known Hundreds outlet store in Fontana and I’m pretty sure they still have that shirt for like $3.99. It’s on the corner of Moron Ave and Go Fuck Yourself Drive. Enjoy!

xx,
Yasi

E-mail Yasi your question at AskYasi@thehundreds.com. There is absolutely no guarantee she will answer your question, but at least you can tell your friends you talked to a girl.

No.

You’re a pal and a confidant.

Since none of you are sending me any questions I want to answer (I’m going through a period of personal growth and thus take full responsibility for my inability to find your emails interesting and/or discernible) I decided I’d ask myself a question. Then answer it. Myself. Because I’m ok with that.

Dear Yasi,

What did you do tonight?

Love,
Yasi

ps You’re the best!

Well Yasi,

Tonight I spent six hours on my friend Aviva’s couch smoking cigarettes, playing online Scrabble, and chewing. Occasionally we took breaks to watch television. Once, we almost had a good idea. For a brief period I had a bit of anxiety over not doing anything remotely productive with my life. Then I realized I’m probably going to die in this very same position, and a cool pineapple-scented wave of calm washed over me.

The End.

xx,
Yasi

ps RIP Bea Arthur. Thank you for being a friend.

It’s the good advice that you just didn’t take.

Subject: Any chance in hell?

Dear Yasi and Alice,

I stumbled upon your little advice column a few weeks ago and I love it. The two of you are hot based on your intellect alone. That being said and since I can’t choose a favorite, how about all three of us go out on a date? Now let me follow that up by saying that I am not one of the creeps who knows your last name or even where you live. I don’t care. But with all the weirdos that write in to you I would completely understand if you decline my offer. Keep up the good work!

Chris

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
Dear Chrissy poo,

That’s so weird and flattering because we actually only go on dates with randoms that hit us up on the internet. Match.com smatch.com. Why do you think we do this? To meet eligible bachelors. Duh. Lucky for you, none of the hunks that have written in have met our criteria. Due to previous mishaps, (dear guy who made me split our 20 dollar dinner on two cards or dude that called Alice his “secret naughty girl”) we have come with up this questionnaire to weed out unsavory pirate-like prospects. Oh wait, we take that back we love pirates. And ex-cons. Please fill out the questions below and send back.

1. Do you have a job? If yes, does it involve a deep fryer
2. Do you currently or have you ever live in a “trailer park” or “govt housing”
3. Do you currently have chlamydia?
4. Name your top 3 Will Ferrell movies.
5. Do you or have you ever illegally downloaded Creed?
6. Define irony (please don’t reference dictionary.com or Alanis Morrissette)
7. Name your favorite character on 90210 (not the new one, douche).
8. Who is Arnold Horshack?
9. Who is your fav porn star? (Be honest bc we think its rad)
10. Would you be offended if Alice did a line of an illicit substance off a stripper’s ass in the middle of a pentagram? (Hypothetically speaking)
11. What are your thoughts on the Kabbalah?
12. Are you allergic to cats?
13. Amanda Bynes: man or woman?
14. What do you think about the federal bail out plan?
15. How do you feel about Sandra Bullock’s performance in Miss Congeniality?

xx,
Alice and Yasi

E-mail Yasi your question at AskYasi@thehundreds.com. There is absolutely no guarantee she will answer your question, but at least you can tell your friends you talked to a girl.

Is it wrong to want to live on your own?

Subject: Re: He’s Like The Dark, But I’d Want Him

Yasi,

Alison Reynolds and Andy Clark do not survive for two reasons: 1 – Their relationship officially ends in first period the following Monday when Andy realizes that he has to admit to his jock buddies that he is going out with Alison. 2 – They would never get together in the first place. The Alison transformation is complete bullshit. She went from being the greatest, most complex character of the entire movie to a device to show the audience that Andy wasn’t just a moronic meathead who duct taped someone’s ass cheeks together for acceptance from his friends. Really, in all honesty, Andy probably wanted to be in Dick Vernon more than he wanted to be in Alison.

And, I have to say, especially when it comes to dating, the High Fidelity line is wrong. Obviously, what truly matters is what you are like. Great taste does not make a great person, just a great person to go to for a recommendation.

Isn’t it better to orbit the same tastes as someone you go out with instead of being in complete agreement or have all the same likes/dislikes? What’s better than getting turned on by someone who is turning you on to new books, movies, music, fashion, etc…?

Joe

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………
A few of you sent in answers to my last post, but Joe’s answer was my favorite.

Here are a few snippets from the other emails:

“Just remember that your using your tastes as a way of seperating the wheat from the chaff in a world full of people.” (Dan)

“por ejemplo, how am i supposed to react to her looking at me like im an idiot while i listen to the miseducation of lauryn hill? how are we supposed to coexist when i watch american idol and she looks like she would rather put daggers in her eyes?” (Kyle)

I don’t know that I am more or less confused now but definitely bummed about Allison and Andy’s demise. So thanks, I guess.

xx,
Yasi

E-mail Yasi your question at AskYasi@thehundreds.com. There is absolutely no guarantee she will answer your question, but at least you can tell your friends you talked to a girl.