Ask Yasi #3: Downward Ew.

QUESTION

Dear Yasi,

Aviva
New York City

ANSWER

Dear Aviva,

Ok two things. First of all, congrats on bagging such an awesome man-fish. Second, EW. Ok now that my knee-jerk reaction is out of the way, I’m going to go ahead and get all rom-com on you so please excuse the next few minutes of cheese. Listen. Dating sucks. Trust. Dudes have way bigger problems than a little naked stretching. Like living at home. Or asking if they “can take you out to lunch” then splitting the $20 bill with you. Or saying things like “Oh I work in fashion, too. I work at American Apparel.” Or wearing hemp. Or thinking “analogy” is a big word. Or sporting an Insane Clown Posse tattoo on their ankle. Or totalling your car then fleeing the scene of the crime. And so on and so forth.

So if you find someone who is amazing and decent and kind and devoid of herpes you can’t let a little thing like a penchant for working out in the buff deter you. Everybody has their crazy. If you really love this person, you’ll probably find yourself starting to think that his fleshy tree-pose thing is actually kind of adorable (excessive dangling notwithstanding). Or you can hold out for your “perfect” man and one of two things will happen. Either you will pine quietly and eternally like a tightly-corseted governess in a Bronte novel, or you will meet him, be all “whatevs,” and realize you really miss your Downward Dog.

E-mail Yasi your question at AskYasi@thehundreds.com. There is absolutely no guarantee she will answer your question, but at least you can tell your friends you talked to a girl.

Ask Yasi #2: Why Women Are Evil

QUESTION

Frankie from Las Vegas asks: Why is it that all women do is ruin mens lives?

ANSWER

Well Frankie,

Since I’ve actually been too preoccupied with watching reruns of CSI and conversing with my cat to keep up with my required three hours a week of torturing men (it’s in the women’s union handbook) so I can’t say I’m that in touch with the battle of the sexes. But what I can tell from a safe distance here on my couch is that women are crazy, manipulative, emotional, trife, and needy, and that men are simplistic, insensitive, dense, commitment-phobic, and according to themselves, always right.

Oscar Wilde once said “A man can be happy with any woman as long as he does not love her.” I think I’ll leave it at that.

E-mail Yasi your question at AskYasi@thehundreds.com. There is absolutely no guarantee she will answer your question, but at least you can tell your friends you talked to a girl.