Ask Yasi #1: Drunk is the new skinny

QUESTION:

Yasi,

I have a friend who is very loving, kind, and extremely loyal. I honestly would do anything for her and I love her like my own blood. The problem, for me, is when we’re out together and she unfortunately cannot control both the number of drinks she has and her behavior after those X amount of alchoholic drinks. My night is never uneventful with her but yet I find myself completely annoyed and embarassed for the both of us. What’s even worse is that she never remembers what she’s said, how she’s behaved, or how she’s portrayed herself the night before, and just laughs it off. I’m all for occasional drunken nights where you get shitfaced and there are thousands of laughs galore but this is out of hand. It has gotten to the point where I feel that I just cannot hang out with the girl because of how she makes me look. How do I let her know in a serious way that she acts like an idiot fool without sounding like I’m a super righteous bizzznatch???

Thanks,
LaQuisha from Los Angeles

ANSWER:

Dear Laquishia,

We all have that one friend (in my case, twenty) whose frequency and intensity of intoxication is less charming than it is cirrhotic. But really, what’s so wrong with an adult having a good time involving eight or ten cocktails and maybe some ketamine? Who doesn’t wake up in a pool of their own vomit from time to time? Carpe drinkem, people! That being said, my dear sweet Laquisha, I think you may have to examine your motives for wanting to lead your misguided friend out of the shadow of the valley of drunk. Is it because you are genuinely concerned for her well-being, or is it because having drunk friends is so last season? (I hear eating disorder friends are the new high-waisted jeans). If your friend is doing more harm to herself than to your reputation, then you need to sit her down and tell her you are worried about her and that you genuinely care. If she’s just having some sloppy, slurry, slutty fun, then let her be. In any case, be weary of telling any friend what to do. However you approach it, you will most likely be seen as an obnoxious know-it-all (and only I know it all). So either screen her calls or take her keys, but you can’t take those twelve steps for her.

E-mail Yasi your question at AskYasi@thehundreds.com. There is absolutely no guarantee she will answer your question, but at least you can tell your friends you talked to a girl.