January 10th, 2010
Subject: I win… *screams YASI*
yasi,
So, being that we’re in a new year, that means totally new fears. Well, with that said, there’s always been talk about the whole illuminati/freemason talk.
What are your views on such things like the mayan calendar ending in 2012? Also how to you feel about the talk about the illuminti wanting to “chip” us with RFID chips? People always dodge questions and conversations such as these. However, if it does all turn out to be fact and not complete rubbish. Then this is something we should all talk about and have out in the open. See, America spear drives things often. I feel thing like that should raise more that eyebrows but red flags as well. Drop some thoughts for moi, chum.
GODSPEED,
Arcieri Keness
PS.
I still think it’s awesome how you never show your face
on your AskYasi section. I know a few of us have stumbled
across your photos via thee internet a few times. You’re a
very pretty women. Yet it’s cool you that you never make
the column about your looks. RESPECT!
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It seems that no matter how strong my 2010 resolution to be nicer is, there will always be challenges like your email. So after several deep breaths and a strong drink, here is my response:
I don’t think that (even though it conveniently rhymes and we all like that), new years necessarily bring new fears. To be honest, the illuminati rarely ever crosses my mind. (I would have said never except I have seen The DaVinci Code. It was ok but I have to say I think Sleepless in Seattle is the better Tom Hanks film). That whiskey and all that heavy breathing has made me tired and the Kardashians are on soon so I’ll make this brief. I don’t see the point of thinking about whether or not something exists when your knowledge of its existence doesn’t change the fact of said existence. That was convoluted but I’m now reclining and thus not inclined to rewrite it. And if this group of intellectuals who purportedly run the word does exist, I can bet you a sandwich and two Lisa Frank folders (I’m broke) that they do not spend any time thinking about whether or not you exist.
As for the Mayan calendar, I really prefer the Nice Jewish Men one.
xx,
Yasi
E-mail Yasi your question at AskYasi@thehundreds.com. There is absolutely no guarantee she will answer your question, but at least you can tell your friends you talked to a girl.
January 7th, 2010
Subject: just wondering…
yasi,
y’know those people who are always talking about how they have no time? that’s not me. i was laid off over 6 months ago. therefore, “i have no plans & too much time.” so, what should i do?
thanks,
adk
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While I’m sure that in the past 24 weeks this thought has occasionally crossed your mind, I do relish any opportunity to play the role of Captain Obvious so I’ll say it anyway: one thing you might consider doing during this period of down time is looking for another job. You know, something to keep you busy. That being said, that whole thing about only boring people being bored is fairly accurate (and yes there’s a fifty year old woman living inside my mid-twenties body and yes I’m DYING to see It’s Complicated). Since I have no way of divining your interests from the two line email you sent me, I’ll just tell you what I do.
1. Read.
Since I’ve been on a work hiatus of sorts, I’ve been reading about a book every three days. I have this illusion that I will read all seven volumes and 4,211 pages of Proust’s Remembrance of Things Past by 2011 (because I’m unbearably pretentious and apparently deluded). But even without delving into dense modernist French literature, I’m sure there are books out there you have been meaning to read or that you should read whether or not you had any intention to do so. And with the advent of libraries, you can certainly afford the past time. (Personally I have a weird thing with books in which I cannot borrow them nor can I lend them out. I derive great comfort in having them around me at all times. I’m a freak).
2. Work Out
To be honest I generally find exercise of any sort distasteful. I also have an inexplicable hatred for joggers. However, because I enjoy fitting into normal sized clothing and don’t want to die of heart disease at the age of thirty-five, I’ve taken up working out. I do this thing that incorporates Pilates, ballet, medieval torture, unwanted perkiness, and yoga or something. I hate every single minute of it and every single fake breasted cougar in Stella McCartney for Adidas gym pants but I do it anyway and it makes me feel less like the sloshy sack of whiskey and cheese fries that I actually am.
3. Learn to do something.
Anything. Learn to speak Spanish while driving your car. Get some bootleg Photoshop tutorials. Let the internet teach you how to cook boeuf bourguignon or spinach quiche or moonshine. (I’ve been trying my hand at gluten-free baking). However obscure or irrelevant to your life it may seem, do it anyway because this is probably one of the last chances you’re going to have to learn anything new without any expectation. You can learn Lotus Notes or whatever when you get re-hired into the work force. But for now, maybe buy a book on bridge (I told you, I’m 50).
Those things should take up a good chunk of your waking hours, and if not, well there’s always Bobby’s Twitter. If you love puns and hate funny, it’s perfect for you.
xx,
Yasi
E-mail Yasi your question at AskYasi@thehundreds.com. There is absolutely no guarantee she will answer your question, but at least you can tell your friends you talked to a girl.
December 27th, 2009
This may make me (even more) unpopular and yes maybe I’m a curmudgeon who dislikes everything except french fries, sarcasm, and scripted hospital and law dramas. That being said, today I finally sat down and watched the two-hour season premier of MTV’s “Jersey Shore” (I did not hate it). I know, I’m about five years late but to be honest I don’t watch much reality tv.* I’m not saying I don’t watch any reality tv because that would make me sound worse than those assholes who say they don’t watch tv at all, but I do think that we’re well on our way to becoming a real life idiocracy and shows about has-been celebrities in rehab or Heidi fucking Montag aren’t helping the situation. (There’s actually an incredible article about this by James Wolcott in last month’s Vanity Fair. You can read it HERE). Also to be honest anything that has seeped into every other Facebook status and Twitter update I find immediately suspect (because I’m an asshole).
Anyway I’m not even going to attempt to do some in-depth analysis but here are a few observations.
1. This show doesn’t make Italians look bad. It makes human beings look bad. And dumb. And slutty. And dumb.
2. That being said, as Aviva pointed out, they seem like generally good kids.
3. Fist pumping is funny. So are nicknames with “the” in them.
4. Jwoww’s fake tits are practically in different zip codes they’re so far apart.
5. There’s something very homoerotic about the hyper-masculinity and constant shirts-off thing going on with the dudes.
6. I find myself both at once repulsed by and attracted to Pauly D. I’m not sure how I feel about this.
7. Favorite quote of the show: “This job is sort of beneath me. I’m a bartender…I do, like, important things.” -Angelina
PS check out Aviva’s THE RISE OF THE GUIDO
xx,
Yasi
*I do have a weird obsession with “Keeping up with the Kardashians.” I’m fascinated by those hair-extensions and all that eye shadow.
E-mail Yasi your question at AskYasi@thehundreds.com. There is absolutely no guarantee she will answer your question, but at least you can tell your friends you talked to a girl.
December 26th, 2009
Now that we’re done with all the jingle bells and family awkwardness and feelings of loneliness and despair that come with Christmas/Hanukkah/etc., let’s talk about New Year’s Eve. This is probably my least favorite holiday of the year. The inevitable level of suck of any party/club you end up going to, the traffic and lack of cabs, and worst of all, “Auld Lang Syne”, the song that is played at midnight. Because sometimes old acquaintances should be forgotten, cup of kindness or not.
That being said, as arbitrary as it seems to make resolutions that start on January 1 (and probably end in mid-February), I do like the idea of resolving to be better. Part of the horror of the arrival of a New Year is that it forces you to look back on the year ending, and to take stock of your accomplishments, and of your failures. Sometimes this ratio isn’t exactly where you’d like it to be. And while you may forget most of your resolve before Valentine’s Day, it’s still important to make that list. Because wanting to be better is one of the most important things in an otherwise arguably (I’ll argue it) meaningless life. The other option being to float through the 80 or so years on a wave of mediocrity and sameness. So whether it be flossing more or reading more or writing a novel or learning to speak French or jogging, there is worth in it, the trying part.
I think resolutions are personal but I will share one of mine with you. I resolve to finish things, even if finishing them means nothing to anyone else.
xx,
Yasi
E-mail Yasi your question at AskYasi@thehundreds.com. There is absolutely no guarantee she will answer your question, but at least you can tell your friends you talked to a girl.
December 13th, 2009
Since I know that the most pressing matter this holiday season for you, my eleven readers, is what to get Ask Yasi for Christmas, I’ve decided to share with you my Holiday wish list. Some might say it’s tacky to desire big ticket items during a time of economic downturn, but I think it’s downright aspirational. (You can mail or drop them off at The Hundreds store on Rosewood. Theeeenks!)
#1 – This Comme Des Garcons jacket from the Fall 09 collection.
#2 – A copy of this Egon Schiele book.
#3 – A working vintage typewriter.
#4 – These Rick Owens boots.
#5 – A trip to Tangier, Morocco.
PS In lieu of these things I’ll take some direction, a job, or a book deal.
xx,
Yasi
E-mail Yasi your question at AskYasi@thehundreds.com. There is absolutely no guarantee she will answer your question, but at least you can tell your friends you talked to a girl.
